The Chase

1 year ago today...

2012-01-30T16:23:00.000-06:00

It was 1 year ago this past weekend that we learned of the highly aggressive form of prostate cancer that my Dad had. One month, he seemed fine and then before we could turn around, he had terminal cancer and then, he was gone. It all seems like such a blur.

Lately, I have found myself pulling back dramatically from blogging/facebook/email, etc. While God is faithful with reminders of His goodness, my new motto has been: if you have nothing positive to say, say nothing. No one wants a "Debbie Downer" after all. And most days, I need a little boost. Actually, it was getting pretty bad when it dawned on me that perhaps I had moved into the depression phase of grief. If there was one....I wasn't sure. I did a little research and sure enough. At least my apathy, weariness, and overall grumpiness could be credited to that. Reading through the stages of grief proved very affirming to me. Both Tim and I have felt a shift as we are settling into the "new normal" without Dad and I found comfort in knowing that we aren't alone in what we are feeling in this process.

We have finally started to reconnect with the outside world on a regular basis these past two weeks and have started entertaining again. That said, I am exhausted and think I need a break already! Oh how the mighty have fallen... When we were support raising, a typical week included entertaining at least 4 nights a week. Easy-peasy. Not the case anymore. Still worth it, but more work.

I don't have much else to say, just wanted to break the silence a bit and remind everyone that we are still here, plugging away. Life is in a challenging phase for right now. We are SO thankful for these cutie-patutie boys, even if they keep us on our toes. The Lord continues to challenge us to trust Him more and in scary new ways, which I guess is a compliment, since it would seem He thinks we can handle it. One day at a time, folks, that's all we can do. And that's all He asks of us.

Please pray for our duplex and for the tenant we are evicting. Eviction is quite costly and we hate to interrupt someone's life in that way. Thanks.

A boy called Pfeffernusse

2012-01-16T21:13:00.000-06:00

Heidi and I are big on nicknames. We rarely ever call each other by name and almost never call the boys by their actual names, except sometimes in public. There are people we know who don’t like using nicknames and only call their children or spouse by their given name. If that is what they like, that’s cool, but Heidi and I roll with nicknames. Jackson is mostly called the Pookie or sometimes just Pook, but he used to be called Baby Jack, a name given by his then four year old cousin, Carver. He is also called ribcage (he hates eating dinner for some reason and is a skinny little guy) and other random names that don’t typically stick for long. Beckett and Theodore are certainly not immune to nicknames. I call Beckett Baby Beck or just Beck most of the time but he also earned the name Butterbean because he was so chubby before he started crawling. Somewhere along the line Heidi called him Pfeffernusse, which is a german cookie, and that name stuck, too. Most nicknames don’t make it outside of the family but Theodore is known now to many as T-Bone. It’s funny to me when a friend or family member calls him that. It seems to fit because he is mostly bald and stocky and seems to have a high pain tolerance. The same thing that would cause Beck to cry does not phase T-Bone. I wonder what other names we will come up for with these little boys.

I want that.

The twins are officially crawling and can stand and even walk a little holding on to objects like the couch or chairs. We are excited to see them grow but as they have become mobile our lives get a little more stressful. Baby gates have gone up around the house and we have to keep an eye on T-Bone who likes to wander into the bathroom and close the door on himself and play in the toilet. So far there have been no real injures we have to be constantly vigilant. We love our twins but they sure are a lot of work.

The Pookie and his Nana Bird.

A Christmas Post

2011-12-20T13:39:00.000-06:00

I was chatting with a friend the other day about some of the little stresses of life we were both experiencing. We actually both lost our dads on September 20th, just a year apart. As we cried together about missing our dads, I started to say that this season we're in is hard, but I stopped myself. For Tim and I, "this season" has seemed quite long, so my conclusion became that life is hard. It seems to get harder the older I get. I know the Christmas season can be very difficult for many people for many reasons and now I am one of them. Christmas means family and family means a reminder that Dad is gone.

So I am thankful like never before that I serve a loving Heavenly Father who sent a sacrificial Son that I might know Him. God was separated from His Son, just like I am separated from my dad. But only for a time. Just like me and my dad. And my God can handle my raw emotions this Christmas. The anger, the sadness, the frustration, the despondency, the numbness. He can handle all of it. And I believe He welcomes it when I appropriately direct it to Him so that He can heal it and bring restoration to my broken heart. I don't really feel like celebrating Christmas this year. I don't care about presents or even being with people I love. (Except of course for my amazing husband and precious boys) Sorry, just being honest. Right now, I am sad and kind of a bah-humbug. But I DO feel like celebrating Christ. I wanna sing hymn after hymn after hymn about the birth of my Jesus, because He is the reason that I know I will be joyful again.

Even though Dad should be with us, God is good.
Even though we grieve, God is good.
Even though my heart is broken, God is good.
Even though...God is good.

Merry Christmas - HE is worth celebrating.

Good Medicine

2011-11-28T12:55:00.000-06:00

I saw this on a friend's blog (which her husband found on John Eldredge's blog) and wanted to share it. I needed to hear this in this season of grief.

Loving Jesus in the Pain

This has been a tough year for me. A year with a lot of suffering.

Both Stasi and I have been through a lot of physical affliction. There were accidents. Betrayals. My father died this year. On top of this, my friends have been suffering. A year with a lot of pain in it.

And there is nothing like suffering to wreak havoc in your relationship with God. The damage pain does to our relationship with Jesus is often far, far worse than the pain itself.

Every time I turned to Jesus in the midst of one episode of heartache then another, every single time I turned to him, the first thing he would say was, "Love me." At first it surprised me - aren't you supposed to say You love me? I'm the one who's hurting here. But somehow, instinctively, I knew what he meant, knew what he was after. "Love me now, in this - not for this, but in this." And those words have been a rescue.

Here's why: Pain causes us to pull away from God. At the very moment we need him most, we pull back. Our soul withdraws, like a snail into its shell. Then you not only have the heartache, you have "lost" God for awhile too. Desolation on top of suffering. Sometimes it takes months, even years to recover the relationship. Jesus was rescuing me from that cycle by telling me to love him now, right in the midst of the pain.

On a soul level, when I love God in this place, it opens my heart and soul back up to him right where I need him most, right in the center of the pain. Too often what we cry out for is understanding - "why, God?" But I've learned over the years that when you are in the midst of the suffering, you don't often get understanding, and frankly, you don't need understanding - you need God.

And so dear friends I wanted to pass this along to you, for it has been a great help to me. Love Jesus, right there, right in the midst of the pain. Just start telling him you love him, right where you are hurting. For as you do, it enables your heart to open back up to him, it enables him to come to you in this very place. And it is Jesus that we need. Desperately.

Posted by John Eldredge 11/05/2011

Good words for my weary, aching heart. I pray that I can find the strength to love Him in the midst of this season.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-23T14:47:00.001-06:00

The last few months have been tough, but this picture shows why Heidi and I are thankful this year:

It's been a month now.

2011-10-23T20:32:00.000-05:00

It has now been over a month since my father in law passed away. I still cannot believe that he is gone. It still seems like I should be able to call him to talk about theology, football, politics, or home improvement. There have been many times when I wanted to talk to him about something and the sadness hits. Amazingly, Jackson seems to understand that his Papa is gone. When we ask him where he went, Jackson says that Papa is in Heaven with Jesus and God. He really loved Don and must miss him as much as the rest of us.

The Memorial Service for Don was beautiful. Heidi, her brother, a friend of Don's, and I spoke during the ceremony. Living Word Christian Center did an incredible job of taking care of the family and keeping things running as smoothly as possible. After the service ended and family went back to Iowa and Nebraska, we had to settle into life without Don. I have never lost anyone this close to me before and there is no way to be ready for it. Heidi, her mom and her brother are doing about as well as can be expected.

I always felt that I had hit the father in law jackpot with Don. He and I got along well and since my own father lives about 1,000 miles away, Don always took it upon himself to be another father to me. His natural response to people was to father them. Never in an overbearing way, either. He had a huge servant's heart toward Heidi and Dan and they always appreciated that. He will be greatly missed and we are struggling to figure out how to live without him.

Homecoming

2011-09-21T20:32:00.000-05:00

My precious father went home to Glory yesterday morning. I am completely numb, but hanging in there. Everyone seems to be doing ok all things considered. God is ministering His peace to us through this process and we trust Him completely. We prayed for healing until the very end and rejoice knowing that Dad is experiencing that now in the presence of his Redeemer.

A wake will be held Thursday evening, September 22 from 6-9 at the First Memorial Funeral Chapel, 7835 Brooklyn Blvd, Brooklyn Park, MN. The memorial service will be held at Living Word Christian Center, 9201 75th Avenue North, Brooklyn Park, MN on Friday, September 23 at 11 am, lunch following.

Family Update

2011-09-04T11:26:00.000-05:00

These days, Tim and I are mostly just trying to keep our heads above water between working on the duplex, visiting Dad as often as possible, and keeping up with the kiddos. Two words: stress FULL. God is gracious though and occasionally, we are almost successful in sneaking in an adult conversation as well! We even went on a date for the 1st time last weekend. Mom braved all 3 kids at once, at bedtime and everything! It was really nice to get away, although I think we were a little too tired to really enjoy it.

Here is what I recently posted on my dad's caring bridge site:

A Daughter's Perspective

This is Heidi, I hacked into mom's account :) I know Mom just posted, but in between diapers and mac and cheese, I have a quick moment and thought I would post a little message.

First off, special thanks to everyone who has visited my dad, left little notes in the guestbook and has been praying. Keep it up, what an encouragement you are! This type of situation can be so isolating and lonely, and we really appreciate your friendship and support. More than you can know.

This is been such a challenging season, to say the least. But in the midst of it all, we have felt God's nearness to us every step of the way. As you can imagine, it is truly heartbreaking to see my father in this state of pain and weariness. Sometimes, Tim and I feel that our hearts might just burst. But we are able to rejoice that my dad is a man of great faith, who put his trust in Jesus long ago. He has been such a profound example for us of standing in faith for more; more of what God has to offer us if we would but ask and believe.

So I want to say thanks to my mom and dad. Thank you both for being such incredible examples of faithfulness to us. You have been a mother and a father to my husband and such amazing grandparents to our boys. Some day, far from now, you will leave us a legacy of faith that will be passed down generation after generation. Until then, we will stand with you, shoulder to shoulder, in faith for God to move miraculously. It is never too late for Heaven to touch earth, so we wait in faith.

Well, the twins are crying, so I gotta jet!

Love,

Heidi

That about sums it up for now.

Here are a few pics for your viewing pleasure.

my three boys :)

Jackson and I enjoying our morning coffee and biscotti

bathtime

my beloved dad with his mom a few years back

thanks for reading and thanks for praying,

love,

A great week

2011-08-12T16:51:00.000-05:00

For a couple months now, I have been hosting a small prayer gathering once a week where we pray for life and for healing for 3 people: my dad, a friend of ours, and the unborn baby of a friend's sister. When both my dad and our friend, also a mother of three small boys, were diagnosed with "terminal" stage 4 cancer and we heard of this little child with terminal Potter's Syndrome (basically, no kidneys) all in the same week, it seemed clear that I needed to do something, anything, to help. It was time to rally the troops in whatever way I could.

Given the busy stage of life we are in, I knew that about all I could commit to is hosting prayer. With one of the twins in tow, of course! I also knew that if no one came over to pray with me, I probably wasn't go to be able to truly enter into some serious intercession of my own. Sad, but true these days. So, Wednesday night it was.

The group varies a lot, often it's just 2 of us, but God always shows up in a BIG way each time and I have been deeply encouraged to continue to stand in faith for my father's healing. Having a "terminally" ill parent is very emotionally stressful, as you can imagine, and strength often escapes me. This prayer time has also been a wonderful source of encouraging and prophetic words that we can pass along to my dad, our friend and our friend's sister. Our desire is to stand with them in these battles and be strength for them when they grow weary.

Well, it gives me tremendous joy to share with you that baby boy Caleb (not his real name) has kidneys. Two perfect kidneys. No joke. There was no sign of blood vessels even going to that part of his body, no amniotic fluid was being producing, so his lungs weren't developing, etc, etc, etc. Well, now he has 2 kidneys, her womb is full of amniotic fluid, which he's breathing, and his sweet little heart is pumping blood to his aforementioned miraculously perfect kidneys. Can I get a "praise GOD?!?!?!?!?!" Wow. After an whole day with countless experts, they decided that this is an official medical miracle. Praise God. More appointments show that he won't even need surgery or medication for his lungs and heart. Wow. God is awesome!

Please share this story and please join us in praying for more miracles. God is at work. Spread the word.

Thoughts on twins

2011-07-30T14:55:00.001-05:00

My friends, Jeff and Jaime McQuaid just had twins, a boy and a girl, a few days ago. In honor of their new venture into parenting multiples, I decided to give them some thoughts on twins. Obviously everybody is different, especially every child, but hopefully there are helpful ideas here.

· It gets old when everyone treats you like a freak show. Complete strangers will want to talk to you, usually when you are in a hurry or incredibly tired. Yes, they are twins. No, you cannot touch them.
· Heidi wakes the other twin to feed him once the first one is done feeding. This is especially true at night. We feel bad waking them up but she also does not want to just keep waking up all night. Eventually they fall into some kind of rhythm and Heidi gets more rest.
· Some people cannot stand that someone might be busier than them. When we tell people that having infant twins and a toddler is unbelievable busy, those people launch into a monologue about why they are busier than you. One lady said that her kids were born 13 months apart, so it was just like having twins. (No, it is most certainly not.) Another woman told us that she is a teacher and that is way busier than being a parent to twins. (Again, no. You get paid to be a teacher and don’t have to feed your students in the middle of the night.) We never want to complain about this incredible gift God gave us. These boys keep us really, really busy.
· We were fortunate that our twins made it to full term and were born unusually large so that plays a large part but we were still pleasantly surprised by how well they sleep at night. I am confident that consistency plays a large part in that. We put them down at almost the exact same every night and they have been sleeping through the night since they reached three months old. We are no experts on baby sleeping but that seems to work for us. It pretty much kills any social life, but that will change eventually.
· We have come to accept that there is often one crying child in our house. If Heidi is home alone, which she often is as a stay at home Mom, there is one of her with two infants and a toddler. When I am home, we are still outnumbered. The zone defense can only do so much. If I am playing with Jackson, and a twin starts to cry, then I have to decide if I will let the twin cry or stop playing with Jackson, which makes him sad. Naturally that only happens when Heidi is already feeding one twin.
· There are many opinions on this, but we kept the twins in the same crib at night until they reached three months. Now their cribs are right next to each other, and, I cannot prove this scientifically, but I think they sleep better right next to each other.
· Going anywhere is really tough. Beside everyone staring at us, there are so many babies and so much gear, that it is hardly worth leaving the house. With a few exceptions, if we see people, we have them come to us. Restaurants are totally not worth the effort.
· If someone offered us help, we almost always took it. Many meals came our way because we would not turn down anything. We did not cook a single meal for over three months after the twins were born.
· Twins were hard on me because I got up in the middle of the night to help Heidi feed them for three months. Twice a week Heidi’s mom would stay overnight and take the middle of the night feeding but the rest of the time I was up with her. I was like a zombie at work for the few months but somehow, with a lot of caffeine, I made it.

We are so blessed and love these boys so much. While we are busy and tired, we would not trade our lives with anyone. Jeff and Jaime, you will be great parents. Enjoy this time.

Gird your loins, people.

2011-06-20T12:46:00.000-05:00

Revelation 12:11 says "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death."

Wow.

I have been thinking on this verse ever since the Lord gave it to me during church a few weeks ago. It has encouraged and reminded me. I find I need a lot of encouragement (and reminders) these days. Not solely b/c twins (and a toddler!) are an indescribably insane amount of non-stop work, but primarily b/c of the emotional heaviness of having a loved one battling terminal cancer. My beloved father is fighting stage 4 prostate cancer.

In a season where I don' t have a lot of time to study the Word, this verse reminds me of the treasure of God's promises. It encourages me to remember His faithfulness and focus on what He has done and what more He wants to do. Many believe He is able, I also believe He is willing.

When I find that I am succumbing to the overwhelming waves of discouragement I feel, I am reminded that my emotions do not control me. In reality, I can command them to "praise the Lord, oh my soul, and all that is within me."

Sometimes this feels like a season of so unending questions: Why does this cancer have to coincide with the time in my life where I have never been busier? I want to help. Why are there so many needs when I have so little time to pray? I want to intercede. Why does it seem that just when things are calming down, another giant storm hits? I am getting used to bad news. Why is the man who taught me to believe for healing being hit so hard with sickness? Hm, I think I know the answer to that one.

This verse reminds what God has said as I come to Him with my discouragement: Gird your loins (which means get ready to run), rally the troops, fasten your seatbelt, prepare for the battle, when grief is overwhelming, buck up, Beloved, and know that I AM GOD.

Warning: Cute pictures ahead

2011-06-16T22:11:00.000-05:00

We have had an eventful month since we last posted. A few weeks ago, a tornado ripped up North Minneapolis about a mile or so south of our house. Heidi was home with the twins and I was at church with Jackson for meeting. Our neighborhood was untouched but it was scary.

The twins have been sleeping through the night! It has been amazing. They suddenly became champion sleepers at 3 months. We have a new lease on life.

We are still crazy busy but are settling into some kind of normalcy. Those little boys are wonderful but they are a lot of work. Still, we thank God every day for them.

Tummy time!

The Chase boys.

Baby Theodore aka T-Bone

Jackson got all dressed up for Easter Sunday.

Beckett smiles all the time but especially in the morning.

Twinfant survival tips

2011-05-22T19:21:00.000-05:00

Tim and I are definitely still in survival mode with these boys.

As we are making our way through each day, we figure out what works and what doesn't.

Here is my first installation of survival tips with twins:

-- Only eat when you are also doing something else, like cleaning up the kitchen or nursing.

-- If not nursing, don't stop moving. Ever.

-- Veggies Tales, LOTS of them.

-- Buy a cute hat for the many days you will want to cover up your greasy hair.

-- Before you have twins, make sure you get an awesome husband like I did.

hands in pockets!

only T-Bone is excited about being 2 months old i guess

my scattered thoughts on twinage

2011-04-14T15:50:00.000-05:00

sleeping princes, their first week home

family of 5 at Costco. we are officially now "that family." you know the one, 2 carts, 3 kids, lots of diapers, always in the way. yep, that's us :)

"T-bone" and "B-bop" in their sweet handmade outfits complements of Sierra and Sumer.

Yoga pants for babies!

Daddy and little Theo

I don't think my back can take the full load, but I was impressed with myself that I got them both

in the Moby by myself.

4 of our 5 birthdays are now in March so we celebrated with a little fondue a few weeks ago.

Right after Jackson was born, Tim and I celebrated 4 years of marriage at the Melting Pot. Time flies!

It was Jackson's first experience with the delight of melted chocolate

one month old!

twinage update
The twins are 6 weeks old and things have been going better than we expected. the past couple weeks have been a little harder, however, and we are feeling pretty worn out. I don't know if you know this, but twins are a lot of work! Well worth it, but a lot of work.

Here are a few of my reflections this week:
+ I am so thankful for friends who bring over meals. (SO thankful) (SO THANKFUL!!!)
+ Sometimes I feel like I will never sleep again, but I know I will...eventually.
+ Showers are a luxury.
+ I miss my husband. I see him all the time, but I miss actually getting to talk to him about anything other than time-outs, poo, and bottle parts.
+ I truly appreciate those who have come to our rescue to help us make this transition to a family of 5.
+ Sometimes medication helps more than you know :)
+ There is nothing like having twins to remind you of your frailty.

How we are doing.

2011-04-06T08:49:00.000-05:00

Baby Beck

Our boys.

The boys are a month old, so how are we doing? Aside from being more tired that I though possible, pretty good. I did not know just how busy it would be to have twin infants and a toddler but it's crazy busy. There is no time for anything other than taking care of the boys. We change diapers, feed them, try to clean the house, and go to bed as soon as possible, only to do it all again the next day. People have helped us and without that help, we'd be going a little nuts. Heidi's Mom has been spending two nights a week at our house so I can sleep while she takes the overnight feeding. Both of my sisters have spent time helping out, and many other friends have been bringing meals or coming to hold babies or amuse Jackson. We are so grateful to everyone for their help. These boys are a blessing and we thank God for giving them to us.

Baby Teddy

Happy Birthday, Heidi!

2011-03-22T16:37:00.000-05:00

So, I am two days late on this post. Heidi's birthday was on Sunday but I was just too busy to write something. I had no idea how busy we would be with twin infants and a two year old but it's pretty darn busy. Anyway, I am so blessed to be married to the attractive, wise, and funny Heidi Chase. She is a fantastic Mom as well. I love you, baby.

Here are some more pictures of the kids.

Eliah Showers was one of the first to meet the boys.

Jackson is not normally this happy at bedtime.

Theodore sleeping. He does that a lot.

first professional pictures

2011-03-13T11:59:00.000-05:00

At the hospital, they come by and take some pics of the babies when they are 1 day old and then they offer to sell them to you at ridiculous prices. I figured, sure take the pics, but there's no way I am buying them at those crazy prices. Well.....she got some pretty cute ones, so I did end up breaking my "budget rules" and Ie ended up buying a couple.

Beckett's on top, hugging Theodore :)

Beckett and Theodore

More pictures!

2011-03-10T04:55:00.000-06:00

The proud big brother.

Theodore needed to be warmed up.

Our friend Sierra made these shirts. What's the good of having twins if you don't dress them alike?

Just an hour or so old.

and

baby boys!!

2011-03-02T15:03:00.000-06:00

We are so pleased to announce that Beckett Jameson and Theodore Duncan entered this world at 8:57 and 8:58am this morning! Weighing 7lbs, 4 oz and 6lbs, 12oz. 14 lbs of baby!

and

He makes the man before He makes the ministry

2011-02-28T21:42:00.000-06:00

Warning: This is a long blog post....But soon, I imagine, many of our posts will be pictures of the twins. So, for those you who read this, bear with us! Put in the work now, and soon you can enjoy the pictures :)

Well, the time has come. Only 1 more day until these babies make their entrance to the outside world! I feel like there is still a lot to do, but it's not going to get done and that's OK. I hope my dad wanted twin grandsons for his birthday present, b/c that's what he's getting! Dad is actually having prostate surgery this Wednesday as well so it's going to be a day to remember in our family. Please keep us all in your prayers, especially my dad and the twins. I am a little nervous about the C-section, but thankfully, God is in control!

Here's one last prego pic for ya, this is about 36 weeks. I think this picture makes me look pretty good,

I am fairly confident that I look larger in person :)

The past few months have been a blur. We found out in October at 20 weeks that we were expecting twin boys, we found a house we wanted to buy about a month later and about a month after that, we moved. Just after moving, we found out about Dad's cancer (prostate and bone) and well, in about 35 hours, we are going to be a family of 5! When it rains, it pours, eh?

Tim and I were having a "heart to heart" the other night (we're trying to be intentional about connecting with each other right now before things really get crazy :) and we ended up reflecting on the past couple years. There has been a lot of change. For most of our married life, things seemed to move ridiculously slowly and then, just like that, they kicked into hyper-speed.

Half of the time, when I think about it, it almost seems like I am living someone else's life. Where did this house come from? I have how many children? Did you just say twins? I drive a minivan now? What is going on here and when did I move "home" from Africa? Oh wait, I never left...

Up until October, Tim and I were still fairly heart-broken, still in the midst of learning painful lessons about truly, legitimately trusting in God in ALL things when we were suddenly catapulted into a season of preparation for something we never saw coming...twins! (In case this isn't assumed, I want to also say that we are SO excited about these babies! I am thrilled to be blessed of God to be able to bring two little people into the world at the same time. What an honor. Tim and I cannot wait to add two more sons of righteousness to our family!)

That said, whose life is this? I am pretty sure the life I "picked" had more to do with sitting on a thatched mat, sharing the Gospel in another language while drinking attaya (West African tea). Thing is, I gave up that right to "pick" my life a long time ago. Praise be to God. I may not feel like I hand selected the life I'm living right now, but I have never been more certain that the One who did pick it, did a perfect job. He knows me better than I know myself

We may still feel wounded over the change in direction that God has lead us to, but soon these wounds will heal and then they will become scars. They'll be scars that tell our story of heartbreak, trust, obedience, perseverance, redemption and restoration. That's how God works. He is leading us on a path of righteousness and He is making the man (and woman) before He makes the ministry.

Yesterday, we heard a great sermon on the troubles of life and our ability to overcome. I love it when ministers preach out of Job. There is so much great stuff in there. It's heavy, but personally I think the Church could use a little more heavy. I was blessed by the reminder that God only allows us to face trials that we can handle.

Tim and I are learning that as the restoration process begins, that's when the fire really heats up. Thankfully, I think we are learning well from the past 2 years and are facing up to the trials at hand with greater faith and perseverance. This I know: God is good and God is true and you can believe His word.

Peace,

2011: And we're off!

2011-02-15T18:55:00.000-06:00

What a month. A little over weeks ago my dad was admitted to Abbott NW Hospital and was diagnosed with prostate and bone cancer. Wowza. That's almost enough bad news to send a lady into labor. Almost, but not quite.

He has started radiation treatment and will soon start chemotherapy. He has remained in good spirits and I think my family is dealing with everything fairly well, all things considered. We covet your prayers though. His oncologist is optimistic and we rejoice in knowing that God is in control. While I am doing my best to avoid thinking about it, this news has hit me rather hard. My dad and I are close and he has been a HUGE source of strength to me over the years.

This is the man who has always had a word of encouragement for me. Who has always had a word that has spoken directly to my heart when I needed it most. As I have struggled with chronic pain over the last almost 7+ years, my dad has been the rock that I needed time and time again. He has been my strength and hope for healing and restoration at times when I had no strength to hope or believe for healing. I praise God for a godly father and look forward to many more years with him, seeing him pour into my sons as he has poured into me and my brother. Good fathers can be hard to find. Thank you for your prayers.

In other news, I had my first contraction last week. I think it was just a warning: either slow down or get ready! Since I am not ready quite yet, I am choosing (theoretically) to slow down. At least Dad is out of the hospital now, I really wanted to wait until he was out before I went in. Since my mom was going to be my primary source of help, other than Tim, with the twins, the news of chemo has rocked my little family a bit. We are resting in the knowledge that God knows and apparently He thinks we can handle all this. So....I guess we can. Pray for us!

I am 36 weeks along tomorrow and it looks probable that the twins will come next week, one way or another. I will keep you posted!

a January update in pictures

2011-02-03T08:50:00.000-06:00

Tim and I were so thankful to have friends who were willing to help us move on New Year's Eve. Here's a few pictures of all the work they did.

We had no idea how much stuff we had until we filled up a 26' truck. Yikes! I am pretty sure it was all baby stuff......

Peter and Julie moving my beautiful, "old lady" couch that everyone hates. I love it! Too bad we had to cut the legs off to get it in the house....

Stan was a rockstar fitting everything into the van with expertise. Stan in my favorite!

Since Jackson's birthday was right before we moved, we waited a few more days to celebrate after we moved and then took him to Nicolodeon Universe. We had a couple mystery tickets and one of them had 100 points! We only used about 30 before it was bedtime, so we blessed another family with the rest of the tickets. It was pretty fun giving them away and seeing the look on the little ones faces.

It was his first time on rides and he loved them!

I was only able to go on 2 of the rides with him, but it was pretty fun to see him enjoying himself so much.

We ate at McDonald's before the rides, which was a big hit, as always....

I also tried my hand at cake decorating and make Jackson a puppy cake. From the look on his face, I think he liked it. Or maybe it was the roomful of people singing to him and clapping for him that produced such joy! We are so blessed to have this sweet little boy as a part of our family, I can't imagine life without him. He has brought so much joy to us these past 2 years. Happy 2nd birthday, love!

here's the belly!

2011-01-24T14:15:00.000-06:00

For those of you I haven't seen in a while, here's a recent shot of the twin belly.

This is about 31 weeks. Wow. I know.

I wanted to post a pic of when I was 30 weeks with Jackson, but our internet is still sketchy, so maybe next week. Believe me when I say I am way bigger!

Pictures of the new house coming soon....

Happy New Year!

2011-01-18T19:50:00.000-06:00

We haven't posted in over a month - forgive us! We've been a little busy :) The move to our new house was a great success thanks to a crew of wonderful friends and family. We don't recommend moving on New Year's Eve, but all in all, it turned out great. The crazy weather didn't start until everything was unloaded and we only had to cut the legs off of one piece of furniture. Thankfully, Tim's sister Sally was able to successfully re-attach them.

We've been here about 2 1/2 weeks so far and things are coming together little by little. Tim has been amazing and spends every evening getting little projects done and helping me do all the things I am no longer supposed to do. Like sweeping or vacuuming or lifting anything. Hm, what does that leave, you ask? Not much except for cooking. With the twins coming in a little over a month and my energy dwindling fast, we are motivated to get this place ready! My mom's group blessed us with a work day today and let me say that 5 ladies on a mission (plus me and 3 little ones) is a force to be reckoned with.

To say we are thankful or that we feel greatly blessed of the Lord doesn't even come close to truly expressing our emotions over having a place to call our very own again. Maybe saying that we are completely overwhelmed with the goodness of God's plan for us comes a little closer to the truth, but it still doesn't really cut it. God has been good to us, He is showing us His faithful hand of provision day by day and we are working hard not to miss it.

The theme at our church for last year was restoration. It brings a smile to my face and renewed faith to my soul as I consider that we moved into our new home on the very last day of 2010.

God is always good and God is never late.

The pressure's on

2010-12-17T14:21:00.000-06:00

For a few years now, Tim and I have felt a sense of homelessness. We felt it even when we were still living in the duplex. It never truly felt like home and we never really settled in b/c we knew we would be moving on from there shortly. The places we have lived over that past few years have always felt transitional, especially as we were prepared our hearts to receive Senegal as home.

Here we are, on the cusp of moving into a real home, a place that will be ours, where we can raise our boys and settle in. The mere thought of that reality truly overwhelms my heart. I want to settle in and cultivate a home my family so badly I can taste it.

Yet almost from the moment our offer was accepted and the purchase agreement signed, the enemy has been trying very hard to steal our joy in this process. The hits just keep on coming, from stressful family situations to major health insurance problems to hefty car repairs. All with Christmas and Jackson's 2nd birthday around the corner as well!

I don't think it's any coincidence that as we are ready to launch into an exciting new season of our life together, Tim and I are struggling to make sense of some of our circumstances. The Lord was faithful to remind me this afternoon that it was He who established the earth and it is He who sustains us. Who do I trust in, my bank account or my Savior? I can't control any of these situations and quite frankly, I feel very out of control and powerless these days. But He is faithful and He will be faithful to us and will provide all that we need.

We have a friend who often says that God makes the man before He makes the ministry. We may have stayed home from the mission field, but we are still living in expectation of a powerful and annointed ministry. So, it looks like God is "making us" into what we need to be b/c it sure feels like the fire is being turned up a notch. Praise be to God!

excitement is mounting...

2010-12-13T21:26:00.002-06:00

Can I just say that I am really excited to meet these little boys that are inside my belly?! I can't wait to kiss their sweet little cheeks and snuggle them.....oh, baby love.

Oh MN, how you disappoint me.

2010-12-12T08:42:00.000-06:00

I must be a little out of things, b/c I finally just heard that Dayton won the gubernatorial race in MN last week. Not that I loved Emmer, b/c I did not, but Dayton's plans for our state are frightening.

Well, MN, you disappoint me once again with your severe lack of care for both the unborn and for the middle class. Sigh. Tax the rich, kill babies, pour more money into schools that aren't working, and start state run casinos. Wowza.

At least my God is in control. Praise be to God!

the name game

2010-12-10T09:08:00.000-06:00

December already, time flies. Especially when you are busy. Tim and I continue to struggle with settling on names for these 2 treasures in my belly. We have actually been talking boy names since Jackson was born, since his was difficult. Girl names are easy for us, but not names for little princes. You'd think 2 years would be long enough to decide. If you have any good ideas, let us know! We have one picked out, but #2 is proving tricky. Happy Advent season!

Offer accepted!

2010-11-29T21:16:00.000-06:00

I guess we haven't posted anything on here about our search for a new place to live yet.... Seeing as how the purchase agreement has been signed, I think it's time! Once Tim started his new job, we redid our budget and pretty much started looking right away for a place to call home. At first we were just casually looking, taking our time, seeing what's out there. Then we discovered we were having twins and we ramped up the search big time. I am very excited to get a place ready for these babies. I never really decorated a nursery for Jackson, so I am pretty pumped to do it for the twins :)

After scouring websites and MLS listings for hours at a time, I would go out and check 'em out during the day. We basically looked in almost every part of the city. Frankly, it was a little disappointing. With what we could afford, there wasn't much out there that we wanted to live in. But we continued to trust in God that He had a place for our family, a home of our very own. We placed 2 offers on two houses that we didn't get and then we found the "one" on Friday afternoon. Our counter offer was accepted verbally late last night and everything was signed just this afternoon. At this point, we are planning to close in December. The sooner the better! I am ready to nest!

I cannot wait to finally have a chance to set up a home for my family. Tim and I have basically felt like we've been in housing transition since we got married (6 years ago) and it's time to establish some roots and settle in. My heart is ready for this step in a way that I can't adequately describe with words. I don't think it has truly sunk in yet, that we are actually on our way out of my mom and dad's. It has been over 18 months since we moved in while we are SO thankful for all they have done for us, we are ready to be on our own again.

This process only took about 2 months up to this point, which I know is VERY short compared to what others have spent, but it sure felt longer. The Lord has taught us much about His provision in this time and has challenged me to consider where I find the source of my security and contentment. I stand humbled once again before Him. He is good, whether you live with your parents or not.

As things begin to unfold, we will update you and soon the postings will probably be all about the challenges of having twins. With all this housing stuff going, prepping for the twins has taken a back burner, like most everything else. Time to get cracking on that adventure!

If you happed to be looking for a great realtor, we used a friend of mine from college and she's been fabulous!

Well, I'm to toast God's provision with some sparkling grape juice. Cheers!

Jackson, in all his cuteness

2010-11-18T21:08:00.000-06:00

Trick or Treating. He loved it once he realized people were going to give him candy at each stop.

Our little lion.

When we tell him that he cannot bring his Lovey, he hides it behind his back.

Dinner time.

TWINS!!!

2010-10-31T20:56:00.000-05:00

On Friday we went to the doctor for an ultrasound and to hopefully find out the gender of our new baby. After a few minutes of looking, the tech asked us if we could see what she is seeing. We both looked but had no idea what she meant. After a moment, she said, "I see two babies in there." Heidi and I had both thought a couple months ago that we were having twins but the doctor at that appointment was sure that there was only one baby. What a shock. Twin boys. It is rare for people get to 20 weeks before they find out about twins. We are incredibly excited but a little scared at the same time. Wow.

There they are!

Mouthpiece

2010-10-22T14:38:00.000-05:00

This post is a long time coming, but here it is, so that's what matters.

For the past 7+ years, Tim and I have been blessed by a great prophetic ministry called Harold Eatmon Ministries International (HEMI). We have had the privilege of attending 3 sessions of School of the Prophets and have learned SO much about how God works through prophetic gifting in biblical ways. The last school we attended was early this year and it was pretty sweet.

Towards the end of our sessions on Saturday afternoon, we moved into a time of activation, a time to "practice" what we learned in a safe and orderly environment. So far the activations all weekend had been pretty painless, not too scary, just a chance for everyone who wanted to to offer themselves to the Lord to be used prophetically to bless another. It was very cool to see people experience the joy of being used by God to prophetically speak truth and encouragement to one another.

Well, the last activation was definitely a little scarier than the others b/c we even didn't know what it was when they asked for a few volunteers. You should know that I don't like being "up front" (ever, never ever, no matter what), but I also knew in my spirit that God was asking me to make myself available to Him, to raise my hand and volunteer. I think the exact words He used were, "If I want to use you as My mouthpiece, who are you to say no?" To that I said, okey-doke, and my hand went up. I knew if I volunteered, I would be chosen, and sure enough, my hand went up and Joe called me up front. They had set up 8 chairs on the stage, in two rows, facing each other. I sat down and waited as the other chairs in my row were filled up. Then came the blindfolds....

They blindfolded us and then silently chose 4 people to sit across from us. We were to prophecy over the person sitting in the chair directly in front of us. If we felt confident enough in the gender of the individual, we could include that in our word for them. Well, I will give you one guess as to who got to go first. You guess it, me.

Joe handed me the microphone and told me to take my time. I would like to insert that there were probably at least 100 ppl in the room - yikes. At least I couldn't see them! I would also like to say that this is an anointed ministry and dozens of very anointed, very prophetic people were there that weekend. And they were all praying for me, all praying that God would give me a powerful word for the person in front of me, for their benefit and for mine, that I could be blessed by the opportunity to be used of God in this way. So really, there was such a powerful anointing present that anyone could have prophecied in that setting!

I won't bore you with the gory details of the word I got, but I will tell you that the experience was amazing. God gave me a specific and detailed word for the man of God that was seated before me and I pretty much wept through the delivery b/c of how moved I was at the Lord's heart for this man.

After the 4 of us in my row had all given a word, we were able to take off our blindfolds and see who we had ministered to. To top it all off, the person sitting in front of me was my brother!!! Wow. There are no words. Amazing. God showed up and I was blessed to be there and be a mouthpiece for Him.

Me and my "little" bro, the man of God.

snip, snip

2010-10-17T16:45:00.000-05:00

I have had very long hair for over 10 years. The last time my hair was short was in ninth grade, 17 years ago. Yesterday afternoon, I chopped it all off! Well, most of it. I was really rather nervous about it, but I am really happy with how it turned out. I normally cut my hair myself, but this special occasion called for a professional.

Here's me, a happy customer, leaving the salon.

Damon, at Belli Capelli, in Adover, did a great job. I even hugged him afterwards :)

He was so great.

It was time for a change and I think this counts as a change. It's a bit shorter in the back, angled to the front and longer on the left side, so fun!

Here's all the hair they cut off for Locks of Love. It was a little scary for me once I heard the first "clip" and knew there was no going back, but it was totally worth it.

So the back story on this big change is that about a month ago I just felt like it was time for a change. I love tattoos, but since I'm pregnant, that was out. I told Tim I wanted to cut my hair and he wasn't so sure about it. The more thought I gave it though, the more it felt right. God has done such a dramatic transformational work in our lives in the last 2 years and has truly shifted our thinking in so many ways that I wanted to make a shift that was outwardly obvious. Not necessarily for others to see, but just to be an outward symbol of all God has done in this season on the inside. I have been changed by our experience and it was time for me to look a little different on the outside as well. So there you go. I'm usually not really into symbolism, but this felt right. And it enabled me to help out a great organization that makes wigs for children with cancer. How can you go wrong?! So while I happy about how my hair looks, I am even happier about what it means to me: God is transforming me for His glory from the inside out!

New Job

2010-10-11T21:39:00.000-05:00

In May of this year, I accepted a job at Volunteers of America and I was certainly grateful for the work and the income. During the last few months I continued to look for another job because the VOA job did not pay all that much. Last week I accepted a job offer from the National Association of the Remodeling Industry (NARI). My position title is Member Specialist and it would take too long to describe my responsibilities so I'm not going to right now. The office is located in the International Market Square, which is just to the west of downtown Minneapolis about a half mile. It is a good location and now we can move out of the in-law's house. I am excited for this opportunity and grateful to the Lord for providing it.

On another note, today marks seven years that Heidi and I have known each other. I was nervous when we met but she was nice and gave me another chance. It's been the best seven years of my life. Love you, baby.

the Dream

2010-10-05T19:11:00.000-05:00

I don't often get dreams that mean anything, but a few weeks ago, I had a pretty cool one. It came the night that I was feeling so discouraged that I basically cried myself to sleep in despair. I'm sure part of it was all the extra hormones from being pregnant, but Tim and I were feeling fairly discouraged about our duplex at the time.

In my dream, Tim and I had just picked up a huge load of fresh food from a local farm and were dropping it off to be stored. We were leaving it at a friend's place until it ran out, keeping it in a space like a root cellar. We unloaded everything and the food completely filled up the entire space. Throughout the Fall, as we would return to get a load each week, the amount of food never diminished. The space was always as full as it had been the first time, just brimming with fresh, unspoiled food. We started giving it away and sharing it with others to use it up and it never ran out all winter long.

On the surface, this was obviously a deeply encouraging dream about God’s ability and desire to multiple resources and to bless His people with abundance. Especially since my sister in law and I had been praying recently for God to multiply our resources.

As I prayed about this dream, God showed me a few things. He reminded me that He is a God of multiplication, abundance, and restoration and that His idea of restoration looks far different from our idea. (Restoration is the theme for our church for 2010.) When I used to think about what restoration meant for me this year, I would think about God restoring Tim into a good job, about the restoration of relationships that have faded with distance, or the restoration of a dream for a new ministry. All I thought about was God restoring the things that Tim and I used to have.

But His idea of restoration includes so much more! Rather than merely restoring to us the things we used to possess, He showed me that He desires to restore us to His promises, His covenants with us. All of them! It’s not about restoring pieces of our lives, it’s about restoring into our lives everything that He offers us in His Word. Every promise in it’s fullness.

He desires to fill our store house (or root cellars :) with salvation, with healing, with calling and with new ministries, with provision and abundance, and with the manifestation of every single one of His covenant promises with us. It’s time to broaden our scope and ask with faith for the restoration of big things!

This has really encouraged me and I hope it does the same for you.

Fall in MN

2010-09-27T22:03:00.000-05:00

It's fall in MN, my favorite time of year. The leaves have not turned yet but soon the brilliant colors will be everywhere. Every fall I wear a sweatshirt with shorts and start to pull my coats and vests out of storage. I love running in the cooler weather and since my car has no air conditioning, my commute has become much more pleasant. Heidi and I already took Jackson to an apple orchard, which is a Minnesota fall tradition for most people. You pretty much walk around and pick/eat apples but somehow it's fun. Fall in MN is great but winter is coming and that isn't much fun.

So far my Denver Broncos have started the season poorly with two losses in games where they played sloppy and made multiple mistakes. I am hopeful that my boys can pull it together and make the playoffs for the first time in five years. In other football news, I returned to Fantasy Football after a year off. My team is terrible and I have yet to win but it is fun.

Jackson continues to grow and pick up new skills all the time. He loves his little blanket, Lovey. We make him leave Lovey in his crib but we will often notice that he has disappeared from the first floor, only to reappear a minute later with Lovey held behind his back. Every day he picks up new words and his sweet little voice is the best. The kid loves to laugh and especially loves behind held upside down by his Mama. When I do it, he does laugh some but then points at Heidi to have her do it instead. The kid is such a joyful child and has a sweet spirit. Lately he has decided he does not like to eat so we hope that phase ends soon. Hopefully baby #2 will be as easy as Jackson.

My Financial Peace University class is going well. There are a dozen people in the class and everyone is participating fully, so that is great. I am glad to have this opportunity.

We have tenants!

2010-09-20T22:05:00.000-05:00

Finally, after 2 months, we have tenants again in the upper unit of our duplex. Apparently the housing market is not just bad for sellers but also for landlords, so it took a long time to get people. A month or so ago there were two guys who wanted to live there but their current landlords called them "the worst tenants we've ever had and no one comes close", so we passed on them. Even though we did not want to take Section 8 (paid for by our tax dollars), we felt that we did not have much choice anymore and the family that moved in on Friday is a Section 8 tenant. The advantage of Section 8 is that the rent is guaranteed by the government but the disadvantage is having to deal with government regulations. When we first tried to get approved for Section 8, the inspector gave us a list of things wrong with the unit that needed to be fixed. We thought is was super nit-picky but did everything anyway. Now it's done and we are good for a year or so. It was painful to see our savings account get beat up like Rocky Balboa but now we can get a break for a little while and try to save up some money again. We are grateful for the Lord's favor to get this done.

This picture pretty much says it all.

2010-09-01T21:01:00.000-05:00

Baby Chase #2 is due late March. We're pretty excited.

The little guy

2010-09-01T20:59:00.000-05:00

It's a helmet!

Jackson has learned how to impersonate his Momma when she barfs.

It was so cute we needed another picture.

Financial Peace University

2010-08-27T21:31:00.000-05:00

It's a funny thing that I have become passionate about finances in the last few years. I did not grow up with money and I am a lousy math student but I love talking about money. Most Americans are drowning in debt and live with so much stress in their lives that is just unnecessary. Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University course has helped many people to get out of debt and get their financial house in order. For a while I had the desire to teach the class at my church but there was never an opportunity. When I found out that Pastor Sam, who taught the class last fall, decided not to do it again, I volunteered to take over. The class will start on September 15 at the Minneapolis branch of Bethel Christian Fellowship and run each Wednesday from 6:00 to 7:30 pm. The address is 2727 Central Ave in NE Mpls. There is a meal provided beforehand and childcare as well. If you are married or single, in good financial shape or poor, come to the class. All are welcome. Leave a comment or get in touch with me directly if you have any questions. I'd love to see you there.

Pictures of Jackson

2010-08-18T21:52:00.000-05:00

What is cuter than a super cute little boy? A super cute little boy in a cape.

Jackson is playing with his cousins, Chase (right) and Carver (left).

Jackson loves his mama.

We sure love our little guy.

Eviction

2010-08-11T21:42:00.000-05:00

We moved back from White Bear Lake (WBL) on Saturday. Neither of us had spent much time in WBL and we found it to be a charming town/suburb. It feels like a small town but is close to downtown St. Paul, making it a unique place in the Twin Cities. On our last night in WBL we invited our friends, Brad and Karyn Carlson and their children, to walk around the downtown area and visit the Cup and Cone for some ice cream. The C & C is a fantastic little ice cream shop and a must visit in WBL. The prices cannot be beat. We will be back.

In June we learned from our property management company that the tenants in the upstairs unit of our duplex had not paid their rent. They were put on a payment plan for July but still did not have the money, so we had to evict them. We felt terrible about it, but there was not much choice. They were finally out on August 9, and we set about getting the place ready for new tenants. Fortunately they left the place in good shape, so there was not a ton of work. My father in law helped me paint a room and do some touch ups and my buddy Jeremy helped me with some cleaning. I still need to return one more time to paint a stair railing that needed replacement but the place is ready for new occupants. We spent some time last night praying over the property and part of that time was spent praying for the family we had to evict. Our prayer was that the Lord would show them favor and give them a new place to live. The financial hit that we are taking by this is not small and we are trusting the Lord to provide for us. We are asking people to pray for new tenants and a way to refinance our payment down. If the Lord decides to provide for us in another way, that is good, too. We hope to get some good news about refinancing soon and we'll keep our blog readers posted. God is good and we are still in a good place of trust.

Back on the move

2010-07-31T21:33:00.000-05:00

Well, once again we are dogsitting. Tomorrow we will start a week in White Bear Lake watching the dogs of some people that are friends of friends. They have a sweet house with a home theater and the location is much closer to my work, so that will be nice. A little extra cash won't hurt, either. At the end of August we may have another dogsitting gig in St. Paul and after that we don't have any planned. Some day, when we have a place of our own again, we will stop dog/housesitting for all our friends, but until then, these times provide a nice break from living with the in-laws in outer suburbia.

Jackson is becoming more vocal all the time. Instead of saying yes, he says, "yeah, yeah" very quickly and nods his head. When he says no, it mostly sounds like an o without the n, but we get the point. He is an opinionated child who knows exactly what he wants and is not afraid to ask for it. (He must get that from his mother.) Every day he learns something new and is such a fun kid. We are so thankful to God for him.

My job continues to go well. I learn something new all the time. A week or so ago I decided that I need to better understand what it is like to be in prison, since I am teaching classes to people who were just released. I watched some videos from the discovery channel about prison, which helped a little, but mostly I have been asking the residents. Some of the guys that have some hard time in federal prison roll their eyes at my questions, thinking to themselves, "how does anybody not know that?" but I keep asking anyway. I have to remind them that is is normal to have NOT been in prison and not the other way around. Lately I have had a few openings to talk about things of the Lord and that has been cool. My job can be tough but I like it and every day I get a little better at it. Hopefully some of the teaching sticks and these guys are able to make it back into society.

Dance Party

2010-07-20T21:55:00.000-05:00

I would be lying if I said that I haven't been feel very discouraged lately. Though it's been a year since we heard God say "stay," we have not truly been able to settle back into life. We love my mom and dad and are SO thankful for them. Without the blessing of being able to live with them, I don't know where we'd be right now. Probably crashing on your couch or camped out in your driveway!

That said, their house doesn't feel like our home and I don't think we will ever truly feel settled here. We still live out of boxes and that takes its toll after a while. More than that, we still feel an empty place where a dream used to be. Healing from a broken heart takes time. This is a process I am learning well and no matter how I feel, with a little one at my heels, I still have to pull it together and get through each day with a smile.

Tim and I recently listened to a good sermon on choosing to rejoice when you don't feel like it. The speaker gave the Hebrew definition of the word rejoice, which basically includes the physical actions of smiling, jumping and spinning. It's challenged us to make that choice to rejoice even when we don't feel like it. So we have decided that we are going to have a family dance party EVERY night until we get our breakthrough. Lately, we have been rockin' to the song with the chorus 'this is how we overcome' (I can't remember the song name, but it's a good one.) Jackson absolutely loves it and runs to the living room as soon as we say the words dance party, it's very cute. We all smile big, spin, and jump around and it's been really fun. Even if I don't feel like it, I always feel better afterwards. And I find myself singing the song throughout the day, which is a great encouragement.

Tim and I are trusting God for some big things and are really praying that God would dramatically broaden our scope. We know He didn't keep us back from Senegal for something less and we want to believe for something even bigger, more than we could ask or imagine. But it's hard. Anyone who tells you it isn't really, really hard is lying. Seeking God for a God-sized calling is tough. I cry a lot. And I cry out to God a lot. A lot. Lucky for me, He is faithful to answer. We may not have a new dream to fill our empty hearts yet, but we still have a solid grip on the "dream Giver." And He is good.

So I end this post with a challenge for you. Have you chosen to rejoice today? If not, and you don't think you have the strength to do it alone, come on over and join our dance party. It may sound cheesey, but there is power in praising God. Check out the Psalms.

Still on the move.

2010-07-08T21:16:00.000-05:00

We finished our stay in North Mpls, returned to Rogers for Jackson to take a nap, and repacked for a weekend in Northeast Mpls. The weekend of the 4th of July was spent doing a Stay-cation with our friends Peter and Julie at their house. We ate a lot, Peter and I played some Disc Golf, and watched some episodes of the show Freaks and Geeks on DVD. Never having done a Stay-cation before, we had a great time and hope to make it a tradition. We then returned to Rogers in time for Jackson to take a nap, repacked, and moved on to White Bear Lake, to stay at the Showers house while they are visiting relatives. My drive to work is short and we are enjoying their nice house and great yard. It is getting a little old moving around all the time but we appreciate our friend's willingness to let us crash at their houses. In a few days we will be back in Rogers for a while. That will be okay, too.

I will add a couple pictures of Jackson, just because he's so cute.

Kickin' it, Northside!

2010-06-26T20:57:00.000-05:00

I lived in South Minneapolis almost as long as I lived in Aurora, Colorado. It seems strange that I have now spent more years living outside of Colorado that years in it. South Minneapolis, despite being in the Hood, is a place of comfort to me because I know it so well. This week Heidi and I are staying at some friend's house in North Minneapolis, which is totally foreign to me. They live a couple miles from the tough part of Northside in a quiet neighborhood near a major freeway. Our friend's house is peaceful and well decorated and we are enjoying our time here. It has been great to save so much drive time on my commute to work and to go running in a new area. Shingle Creek is two blocks away and has a trail alongside it that goes for miles. I did not know that it existed before this week and I have enjoyed running there the last few mornings. We do think about how we long to have our own place again and hope for the day when we can move out of Heidi's parent's house for a place of our own. Until then, we remind ourselves to keep our heads up, trust in God, and keep saving money. It is a huge blessing to be back in the city, even if it's for a short time. Thanks, Snyders!

Thoughts on my time of unemployment.

2010-06-16T21:42:00.001-05:00

From September 1, 2009, until the middle of May, 2010, I (Tim) was either unemployed or underemployed. For 6 weeks over the holidays and all of March and April, I worked at Costco part time. The rest of that time I was without a job at all. (I did watch some great kids on Wednesdays and got paid $50 each time, which was nice.) My daily routine was to run in the morning, have a quiet time after breakfast and then spend much of the rest of the day applying for jobs. I had two group interviews, four or five phone interviews, and about 8 or so face to face interviews during that time. I applied for several hundred jobs. When I finally got a job offer, it came from the same place that had turned me down for a different position. I didn't take the interview seriously and almost turned down the second interview but now I am glad that I did not. In fact, I prayed about going to the interview and felt strongly that I should go. When they offered the job, Heidi and I went to different rooms and prayed about it for a while and both felt that I should take it. We both heard from God that it was a prophetic act to take this job. (In the Bible, prophets often did unusual or counter cultural things to show people what the Lord had to say about certain situations.) While the Lord is giving us installments of understanding about the prophetic act, we still don't understand completely and are waiting on Him. I get to work with people in a vulnerable state who need a tremendous amount of encouragement. They are all in the beginning stages of finding a job, which is a tough place these days, and my recent experiences make me better suited to empathize and encourage them. I am glad to have a full time job again and excited to see what the Lord has in store.

Our little peanut

2010-06-09T14:16:00.000-05:00

Here's a few pics of Jackson

Trying ketchup for the first time!

We love our pastor

2010-06-06T20:24:00.000-05:00

Today at church we celebrated twenty years of service at Bethel Christian Fellowship of our pastor, Jim Olson. We also celebrated his completion of a PhD from Bethel Seminary. Our church is so blessed to have such a caring and multi-talented pastor. Heidi and I have two memories of Pastor Jim (we'll call him PJ in this blog entry). First, when we found ourselves at Children's Hospital in Mpls with our sweet, five day old Jackson, PJ came and encouraged us. It was the hardest time of our lives, taking the little guy to the ER and seeing him go through a battery of tests after we had not slept the entire night, and we appreciated PJ's visit so much. Second, last summer, when we struggling through the decision to not go to Africa, PJ was with us in the struggle. He then went on his Sabbatical but made sure that we were left in good hands with Pastor Dave Ogren. Pastor Dave O was awesome and we appreciated PJ's wisdom in knowing that Pastor Dave O would take care of us. When PJ returned from his Sabbatical he spent some time encouraging us even though he surely had plenty to keep him busy. On top of taking care of us, he is an outstanding preacher. We love PJ and feel so blessed to have him as our pastor.

The first Good Diction music video

2010-06-03T10:07:00.002-05:00

We are taking a detour from our serious posts to put up the video for our favorite local, independent band, Good Diction. Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_Qv47377QI

Somedays, you torture me, Facebook.

2010-05-29T15:54:00.000-05:00

Happy Memorial Weekend! Tim and I are filling ours with productivity, rest and time with both sides of the family.

My favorite part about Facebook is how easy it has made the task of keeping up with people. Those who use it at least. I love, love, love looking at pictures from "our" team in Senegal. I can't get enough. I just love it. I love missionaries in general, but I especially love a certain 7 missionaries in Kebemer, Senegal :) Joe and Cara just had their ngente, or baby-naming ceremony, for little Oliver Rufus. The pictures were lovely and everyone looked amazing.

Somedays though, it's just as painful as it is enjoyable to cruise through the images. Most days I would say that's still the case actually. But I can't NOT look. I love to see what's going on with them. I love to see everything about their lives. A year ago, it was going to be us sitting there celebrating with them. So maybe I torture myself by pouring over the pictures, but I can't stop. I am so thankful that God continues to work healing in our hearts. While I still ache today, I know that one day I won't. And I rejoice in that hope. I hurt, but I count it all joy as I face this circumstance.

So congratulations Herzbergs! We love you, we love Oliver and we can't wait to see you this summer!

A New Dawn

2010-05-25T00:37:00.002-05:00

If you know me, you know I like to go to bed early, typically 10pm. Tim likes to stay up, but I need my sleep. So when I tell you that I am sitting up typing this blog at 11:45pm you know that means something. I went to bed at 10:15 and laid there totally awake for 45 minutes until the Lord finally got through to me that I needed to come and write this post.

Tim and I often dialogue about why we keep a blog. In the beginning, it was obvious: a way for friends and family to keep up with us while living in West Africa. These days though, it seems less clear to me why we blog. As much as Tim loves football and I love coupons, posting about those topics can seem a little fluffy in the grand scheme of things. Blogging just to blog is a waste of time. I have often been motivated to blog by a desire to make people understand our situation; to help people “get it.” But making people understand is not my job and this is an attitude that I have needed to repent of as God has challenged me to examine how much I care about what others think of me.

Blogging is such a funny thing to me b/c you never really know who is reading your posts and you rarely get much feedback. You put your thoughts out there to fade into cyberspace or maybe people are entertained by them. Either way, I do find it cathartic. It’s been a helpful tool for me to process this past year.

Though this year has been nothing that we expected, God has been speaking to us more than at any other time in our lives. On the surface, it’s been a pretty dull time for us and we have felt lonely, isolated, and discouraged. We’re far from friends and away from community events (and that got really old really fast), but when we really think about it, this year has been anything but boring.

God has kept us on our toes. He has ministered to us through prophetic words again and again and He is building up that gift within each of us. (For all of our non-Pentacostal friends out there, don’t freak out, ok? Bear with me!) It’s these stories of His grace and mercy that really get us excited about what He’s up to. It’s these stories of His faithfulness, provision, and hope that we want to share with you. It’s these stories/experiences that have kept us seeking Him this past year when we have wanted nothing more than to give up and walk away.

We don’t say the things we say in order to prove something to you. God told us to stay and we stayed. But that’s not the end of the story. We want to share these things b/c God is doing a good work and He is pouring out His spirit upon us in exciting new ways.

Words cannot express how devastated Tim and I have felt, and sometimes still feel, this past year. God has stripped away almost everything from us (title, ministry, location, financial security, you name it, we feel like we have lost it). Most days, we feel keenly aware of all the things that we seem to lack. But what we don’t lack, the most important thing, is Him. In fact, He has given us more of Himself.

Our desire has always been to be transparent with our ministry partners and though we’re not in ministry right now, but we speak with faith when we say that we will be. And as we journey with God to that end, we deeply desire to encourage others along the way.

So now our blog has a revised focus. We want to share with you (whoever you are J) the “nitty-gritty” of what God is doing in us as we work out our salvation with much fear and trembling. Please don’t be scared off if we start using language that we haven’t used before in the blog. It’s still us: Tim and Heidi. We are just sharing more b/c it’s time. It’s time to speak boldly about the things that God is doing in our lives b/c that’s what He’s called us to do. When we hear a powerful prophetic word from God, we want to share it that He would be glorified.

There might still be an occasional post about football and coupons, but mostly we want to boast in our God about this crazy ride that He has us on; it’s still a painful and bumpy ride, but it’s good.

So please, join us in this adventure, leave comments, leave prayer requests, let us know how God is working in your life that we could join in with you and ride the wave of His mercy.

Ok, it’s 12:35…..I am tired!

‘night

1st week on the job.

2010-05-20T21:59:00.000-05:00

I (Tim) have completed my first five days at my new job. So far, I like it. The place I am working is a halfway house that is contracted with the Department of Corrections and the Bureau of Prisons to handle inmates that are transitioning back into the community. Every one of them has committed a felony and is facing an uphill battle to re-enter their lives. My job is to teach classes to the residents, both men and women, during their first two weeks at the halfway house that will allow them to find meaningful employment. The classes cover things like forgiveness, anger management, and expectations. There is a lot of information to cover and it is not really enough for the years of incarceration but hopefully the classes are enough to get them thinking about their choices and what they want in life. Soon I will start putting my own personality into the material and making it my own. I am excited to add a new element of financial training into the material as well. It's a good job so far, and I am grateful to have it.

Heidi and I are now back in Rogers. The Leberts arrive back in the USA tomorrow with their kids, so we are no longer needed in St. Paul. It is good to be home but I will miss the fantastic location of their house. It was so nice to be able to hang out with people and not drive 45 minutes to do so. We are praying that the Lord will give us some way to live back in the city and when that happens, we'll blog about it.

I got a full time job.

2010-05-05T21:31:00.001-05:00

This will hopefully be my (Tim) last employment update for a long, long time. The last couple months I have been working back at Costco on a part time basis. Ironically, I was pretty close to getting full time hours and a better position in the company when I got an offer for a full time job. I put in my two weeks notice at Costco on Monday and accepted a job at Volunteers of America at their Roseville facility. The job title is Employment Program Coordinator and I will be working at a halfway house with inmates that are finishing their time in the Department of Corrections. It sounds scary but it's really not. The bulk of my job will be relationship building and helping the inmates to change their mindset to succeed on the outside. I am sure there will be difficult days but I am looking forward to being challenged again. At first I was not all that excited about the job and did not even want to go for the interview. Somewhere in the process both Heidi and I came to know that the Lord provided this job and I was to be obedient and take it. We know He is faithful and we will trust Him to take care of the rest. It's a relief to no longer be on the job hunt and I am grateful for God's provision.

Livin it up in St. Paul!

2010-05-03T22:26:00.000-05:00

For the last couple weeks, Heidi and I have left our suburban life behind and re-entered the city. Our friends, Ed and Amanda, are in Columbia to pick up their newly adopted children and we are watching their house and dogs for them. We love the seven minute drive to church and being so close to friends again. I can run from their house and around Lake Como and back in about 45 minutes, although I do have to pay more attention to traffic than in Rogers. We are happy that we can bless Ed and Amanda and will move back to Rogers in a few weeks. Until then, we'll keep enjoying city life.

A year ago this month

2010-04-27T15:08:00.000-05:00

As of about a week ago (April 19^th), Tim and I have been living with my parents for 1 year. Yep. 1 year of crazy transition. So far….the clock is still ticking….. When we moved in we thought we’d be there 4 months tops. Certainly not until Christmas, we’d say to each other….Well, God had different plans.

So even with the coming of another beautiful MN Spring, April is a bittersweet month for us this year. We are thankful for God’s provision as we continue to pray about direction. We are also thankful that our ongoing needs keep us seeking Him, while Tim looks for full time work. God is teaching us the painful lesson about finding satisfaction in Him and nothing else.

Although there are lots of reasons why we still long to have our own place again, I think we are getting used to living with my parents. There are a lot of benefits to multi-generational living and we are really thankful to have parents that can help us out in this way. Truthfully, I don’t know what we’d do if we couldn’t live with them. We don’t even have enough income to even rent out part of our own duplex!

We sure don’t know what’s coming next, but one thing we do know, the longer it takes for us to finally get settled again, the more committed we are to what God is calling us to, no matter what. And for right now, knowing that He knows what that is, even when we don’t, that’s enough for us.

A post the ladies can appreciate

2010-04-15T15:55:00.000-05:00

Today I realized that I am proud of myself. (With a little help from Amanda J) I am an emotional eater for SURE. I love, love, love food. I love to read about it, look at it, buy it, prepare it, talk about it, and eat it. And this is especially true when I am feeling down. The past 9 months of this crazy transition time have been an emotional rollercoaster leading to little bouts of depression for both of is. So I am proud of myself that in the midst of it all, I have been able to lose some weight. If you are an emotional eater, you know how profound this is! Some of it was baby weight and needed to go and some of it had nothing to do with Jackson, but still needed to go! I have been watching what I eat and working out, but I think some of it was that fact that I can control what I am eating even when I can’t control anything else in my life right now. At least it’s a small victory in this season of discouragement J

Pushin Broom

2010-04-10T22:46:00.000-05:00

Encouragement sometimes comes from strange places. One of my (Tim) all time favorite bands is Tourniquet, a metal band that hit the scene around 1990 and made some amazing music over the years. They are mostly known for their incredible drummer, deep lyrics which were often inspired by medical terminology, and a singer with good enough diction to actually understand him. One of my favorite songs is "Pushin Broom", from their 1995 album Vanishing Lessons. It is a reminder to be faithful in the little things before we can expect God to give us bigger things. The song says that sometimes we have be content to push a broom and not try to speed along God's plan for us while the voice in our heads tells us that we are wasting our lives. Only when we ignore that voice and seek to be faithful with what we know God has for us will we be able to take that next step. I feel like that song speaks to my situation. Working at Costco is a blessing and I am grateful to have some income but I am also longing for the day when I am back in full time work that I find more fulfilling. However, I must constantly remind myself not to look ahead but to seek the Lord now and enjoy what he has for me today. The extra time with my family is a true blessing and someday I'll look back at that with gratitude. In the meantime, I will work on being faithful and keep pushing that broom.

Easter

2010-04-03T22:35:00.000-05:00

When I (Tim) was in high school, I started the tradition of listening to the song, "It is Finished" by Petra, every Good Friday. Last year I finally switched songs to "Beautiful, Scandalous Night" by Bebo Norman and Leigh Nash. Those songs bring me to the place of the Passion, where Jesus went through pain and death for me. I am still amazed that He loved me enough to do that. It really is amazing. I am so glad that the story did not end on Friday. As the old preacher said, "it's Friday. But Sunday's comin!" He is risen! He is risen indeed!

Spring has sprung....sort of

2010-03-20T16:02:00.000-05:00

Every year my birthday comes on the first day of spring (today!), but sadly, in MN, that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Jackson and I have enjoyed a lovely walk every day this week regardless of the weather.

So far the day is off to a great start. I have been trying (with relative success) to fast from coffee for lent. But today I decided to ring in the celebrations with a steaming cup of jo. It was delicious! I got to sit and watch the food network and enjoy my coffee while Tim fed Jackson. What a great husband! Then Tim headed off to work and Mom, Jackson and I headed to Big Bowl for lunch, yum. After work, I will pick Tim up, we'll drop Jackson with some friends and out on the town we will go, hooray! But for now, here are some more pictures of my current employer. What a cutie.

Sporting the hawk

If you know me, you know I love little things: A little man in a little chair, ha!

He loves to drink the last drop of my coffee

As you may know, we have been doing a lot of house-sitting lately and he has really loved all the "new" kitchen cupboards to play in. And always with spoon in hand :)

Back to Costco

2010-03-11T21:18:00.000-06:00

It is time for an employment update. Costco called and invited me back to work, so that is good. I have been back two days so far and I am getting back into my groove. They are giving me 24 hours per week and I am grateful for the income. Aside from that, there is little to report. I have had several interviews in the last month or so but nothing has come of them. One interview was for a position at MN Teen Challenge and I was excited about it, but it was offered to someone else. There is not much to do except keep pressing on. Today as I was praying, I felt a hope return to my heart that I have not felt in a while. I was reminded of Jeremiah 29:11, where the Lord reminds Israel that He has a hope and a future for them. Yes, I receive that. Heidi did restart her Mary Kay business and that has brought in a some cash, so that's good. I will keep the blog updated when anything exciting happens.

A whirlwind weekend.

2010-03-05T15:42:00.001-06:00

A week ago my sister, Sally, and I boarded the Megabus for an overnight trip to Chicago. Having never taken a trip on the Megabus, we were unsure what to expect. The bus was running late so we waited for an hour outside in 21 degrees with a lot of other impatient and cold people. We were finally able to score two seats together and settled in for the trip. Many of the people around us were on their cell phones and most talked much louder than necessary. A few people’s conversations would have made Ice Cube blush with the foul language. I have never heard the F word or N word as much as on that bus ride. Fortunately I was able to sleep most of the way but poor Sally was not. Upon our arrival in Chicago, we found a taxi and located the South Shore Line for our train ride to Valparaiso, IN. With Starbucks Pike Place roast in hand, we rode the train and met up with our sister, Amy, and niece, Christi in Valparaiso and they drove us to Warsaw, IN. We had enough time to get cleaned up and meet up with the rest of the family for dinner before Christi’s show, the reason we trekked to Northern IN.

Christi has an immense talent for comedy. She gets it from the Chase side of the family, we know that for certain. Last spring she spent a semester at Second City doing Comedy Studies, so she is the real deal with comedy. The show we had travelled to see was a sketch show and she was the writer, director, stage manager, and costumer. It was put on with students from Grace College, where Christi is finishing her senior year and will graduate with one of those degrees where you don’t make any money. (I’ve got one of those, too.) Sketch shows are just a bunch of mostly unrelated skits meant to make you laugh. Imagine Saturday Night Live if it was still funny. I cannot say enough good things about her show. It was so funny that my stomach hurt afterward. I am so proud of her and excited to see where this takes her in the future. She could write for Jay Leno and then he would actually be funny.

On Sunday we returned to Chicago with Amy and Christi to catch the bus home. I learned that I did not know Chicago as well as I thought and we had some trouble finding the place to board the Megabus. We finally decided to park and use the free wireless at Panera to find the right location but then quickly realized that we were only a block away but had not been able to see the place because of road construction. After pizza at Giodano’s (spell?), which was awesome, we found our bus stop. Since we put our trip together at the last minute, our tickets did not line up for the same bus. Fortunately Sally sweet talked the driver and he let me board with the wrong ticket. Our fellow riders were a much different crowd from the last ride and I don’t remember hearing any foul language on this trip. I am so glad I got to see family and Christi’s show. It was a great weekend but I’m still tired.

Here is a picture of my talented niece.

Why?

2010-02-20T22:08:00.000-06:00

Lately Tim and I have gotten a few emails and the like with a similar question in them. Basically, a few folks have asked why we didn't go to Senegal. Our desire is to be transparent in this transition and I have been meaning to address this via the blog for a while now. Usually, by the time I get Jackson into bed, I am too wiped to do anything very productive!

Our answer to this question is painfully simple: God said so. It doesn't sound like much, I know, but it's enough. It has to be! Just over a year ago, the Lord started preparing us for a door that was going to close. His word was that we should not be discouraged, b/c He was going to do a new thing. Though we never imagined it would be such a big door, God began to speak to us (loudly) about obedience and timing. We do have more insight into why, and some of that we are holding on to until the time is right to share it, but we can say that God wanted to know how much He could trust us.

When we first heard Him say that a door was closing, we began to pray for discernment. We also began to say yes, yes, yes to all that God has for us, even if it meant a completely different ministry. The best way that I can explain it is that as we were constantly saying yes, and holding "our" ministry in open hands, along the way we said yes to something that God grabbed on to and thought 'ok, I am going to use them in a different way, time to change the direction of things.' I don't know if that makes sense to you, but that is how I understand it.

So we stayed b/c God changed the plan. We still feel called to ministry, but we have NO idea of what that will look like. And since we made the final decision to heed what we thought we were hearing from God, we have not doubted for a moment that it was the right decision. We praise God for that peace and we are blessed by how vocal God has been to us in this time of transition.

This season continues to be one filled with pain, tears and grieving and we deeply covet your prayers, especially for our unity as a family. We definitely feel stretched, especially as this season of unemployment continues to take its toll on us. We are hanging in there, but it's surely a challenge to stay full of faith and hopeful for the future.

I hope this answers some questions. If not, we want to know. We want God to be supremely glorified through this chapter of our lives and we are not embarrassed by anything that has transpired (even though we are unemployed and live in my parents guest room.... :P ) so we welcome dialog about what God is doing.

If you'd like to read the original newsletter see the post from July 30th, 2009 from the archives.

Peace.

Housesitting

2010-02-12T15:18:00.000-06:00

For the last week and a half, Heidi and I have been housesitting in Richfield. It is nice to be closer to our friends and have our own place for a while but being away from all of our stuff does get tiring. Also, Jackson requires so much gear that our car was pretty much stuffed. A few days ago our stationwagon needed to go into the shop so we had to bring some stuff back to Heidi's parent's house and retrieve our Honda Civic, which has much less cargo space. Hopefully we will still be able to get everything into the Honda on Tuesday when we are done in Richfield. We have also discovered that we are not dog people. This is the second time we have watched someone's dog and, while we do not dislike dogs, we just don't love them. Ironically, we have two more house/dogsittings scheduled for the next couple months. In both cases, the people are good friends with nice dogs, (and large TVs) so we are not at all worried about it. It is good that we did this so that we did not get a dog and discover that we were not cut out for dog ownership.

I am still in the job hunt. Yesterday I had an interview at MN Teen Challenge and that went well. It would be a great job and I am sure I would like it a lot. I will not hear about a 2nd interview for a couple weeks since one of the decision makers is going on vacation all of next week. Today I had a phone interview at Lifesource, which does organ procurement. Next week I should hear if they want another interview. It is good to have interviews and I'll keep putting out applications and keep the blog updated when anything happens. I am in a good place of trusting God to provide.

Let's party, MK style

2010-02-02T10:20:00.000-06:00

This entry is kind of like Tim's last blog, it's another employment update...sort of...I have decided to start selling Mary Kay cosmetics again! I used to do this a few years back and I thought I'd see if I can generate some income for the Chase family until Tim is working. So, here we go!

Some of you have asked us over the past few months if there is anything you can do to help us re-transition back to life in MN. Well.....I have a fun, tangible suggestion for you (insert sweet smile)...you can throw a Mary Kay party!!! If you are reading this and thinking, "No way! MK is for Southern women with big hair and way too much lipstick," don't worry, that's not how I roll. I am a pretty mellow MK lady, parties are a fun way to hang out with your friends and try a new lip gloss color :)

So, if you're up for it, or even if you just want to order a refill of your fave foundation, let me know. I would REALLY appreciate it and I promise it will be fun!

Employment Update

2010-01-20T21:10:00.000-06:00

I (Tim) have not given an employment update in a while, so here it is. Since September 1, I have been officially unemployed. After a couple months of searching and a few interviews, I accepted a part time job at Costco and kept sending out resumes and interviewing. I was at Costco as a seasonal employee for six weeks and then was let go, along with the other seasonal workers. It was supposed to go for two more weeks, but the money flow was not enough to keep us. Now I continue to job search and hope to find something soon.

I learned a few things working at Costco, which was the first retail job I had done since 1995. The following are a some of them:

- - A big part of my job was to go around returning items that customers had left in the wrong spot. They would decide that they did not want it and leave it in some other part of the store. That drove me nuts. C’mon, people. Put your stuff back where you got it. Especially when it needs refrigeration. Don’t be so lazy.

- - I also spent a couple shifts collecting carts from the parking lot. On Christmas Eve, I spent seven hours on cart duty in a snowstorm. I got annoyed when people would leave their garbage in their cart. There are no magic elves that go around and pick up trash. It was me. I did not want to do cart duty when I started but I enjoyed it more than I expected.

- - Most of my time was spent going around with a scanner to get info from the customer’s membership cards and convincing them to upgrade their membership. As you can imagine, most people did not want to upgrade. A few were jerks but that was the minority, fortunately. I was good at it but never enjoyed it all that much.

- - One woman got the award for jerky customer of the year. When I was on cart duty in the handicapped section, I woman drove up to me and rolled down her window. I leaned down and she asked me if we used all the handicapped spots, many of which were empty at that moment. My response was that when the store is busy, all the spots are filled. She said “hurump” or something like that and drove away in a huff. Anyone who complains that there are too many handicapped spots is the jerk of the year.

- - I got to run into some friends that I don’t get to see often, so that was a nice side benefit of the job.

I am grateful for the Costco job but I am looking forward to full time employment with something that fits my gifts a little better. I appreciate your prayers and will give an update when I have any news.

So many firsts!

2010-01-09T21:29:00.001-06:00

We are constantly celebrating firsts these days, from baby signs and cute expressions to discipline. Mostly fun things, though. It was great to celebrate Jackson's first birthday even though he didn't really get it.

So many presents for such a little guy! He really liked ripping the bows off.

That little orange dinosaur is about the cutest thing ever and handmade by Jackson's special friend Marlyse.

Since we don't give Jackson any refined sugar (except for trace amounts) I made him a healthy rendition of some sweet potato pie. At first he wasn't sure what to think of it, even though he loves sweet potatoes (who doesn't?!), but then he got into it.

Not too much of a mess to clean up either, which was nice :)

Jackson may have liked it, but Nana needed to add some sugar to hers...haha

Here's another one of our little man surveying the bounty on Christmas morning.

Life sure has changed a lot this past year, but Tim and I love being parents and can't imagine parenting a sweeter little person. We look forward to growing our family, but aren't sure we'll get "so lucky" the next time around. haha One thing is sure, Jackson has brought a lot of joy this past year, especially on the hard days! We praise God for him.

So who reads this anyway?

2010-01-02T22:08:00.000-06:00

Tim and I ask this question all the time, who reads our blog anyway? Sometimes blogging feels sharing your life with everyone and sometimes it feels like I blog and Tim reads it and that's it. So if you read our ramblings, often or irregularly, drop us a comment to say hello.

This Christmas season was strange for our little family. We were blessed to meditate on the birth of our beloved Savior, we got spoiled with lovely gifts and we enjoyed time with both sides of the family, but it was also a bittersweet reminder of where we are at. We have never doubted our decision to stay and not go to Senegal, but we haven't yet reached the point of being happy to be in MN. We are still sad. And if you catch us in a moment of vulnerable honestly, we don't FEEL like we have that much of a life here anymore.

Even though we figured it was a pipe dream, we were hoping to be out of Mom and Dad's by Christmas. We love my parents, but living with them is certainly not without it's challenges. I especially crave a place that I can make into a home for my family. Most days, we feel rather homeless, unsettled and directionless. However, God is SO good and we are able to whole-heartedly praise Him daily for His presence and faithfulness in our lives.

I think we could use a break. Sometimes a change in scenery does a world of good. In August, the three of us went camping for a couple days and it was really refreshing. Some of you have been consistently offering your homes, it just hasn't worked out yet, but THANK YOU! We have appreciated your offers SO much. (I thank you assuming you read our blog......) Since Tim wasn't asked to stay on at Costco, we have lots of time on our hands again. So if anyone is going to be out of town for the weekend and we could "do you a favor" by watching your house or something, let us know. We are really good at watering plants :) haha Or maybe you know someone with a year round cabin that might be available for our use, let us know. Thanks friends.

Happy 1st Birthday Jackson Oliver!!!!

2009-12-29T16:18:00.001-06:00

Our little boy is ONE year old today!!! Hooray for Jackson! I can't believe this year has gone by so quickly, what a blessing he has been to our family.

Here's another family pic from Christmas and a few from a party we went to. This is my first gingerbread house ever! I had never decorated one before, it was really fun....I feel a tradition coming on....

A few more cuties of baby Jack from the weekend :)

In other news, I told Tim this morning that since we are now buying whole milk for Jackson, I will no longer be buying half and half for the coffee. I don't think he was excited.

It was a Merry Christmas

2009-12-28T22:19:00.001-06:00

We had a good Christmas but we were sad to miss out on seeing my (Tim) sisters. The snow and ice kept us from making the trip to Dresser, WI. It was nice to just hang out with Heidi's family but I missed seeing my own. I guess that is a part of living in Minneasota.

The other pictures are just to let everyone know how cute our little boy is.

Jackson discovers sugar

2009-12-17T09:31:00.000-06:00

We have not allowed Jackson to have refined sugar yet but he apparently has a taste for it. The following pictures are from when he found a plate within his reach that had some apple crisp left on it.

Back to work, for now.

2009-12-07T14:32:00.002-06:00

I have finished two weeks of work at Costco. I am a seasonal, part time worker and Heidi and I are happy to have the income. The first few days I spent unloading carts for the cashiers to ring up the items and then I would reload the carts after the customer paid. It is tiring work but I started to get into the groove after a day or so. I also spent time putting away merchandise that the customers either did not want when they got to the cashier or simply left on the nearest shelf. If it was a perishable item, I would return it immediately and try to get back to keep loading as quickly as possible. Since Costco is a warehouse store, not everything is always in the same spot every day. That makes putting items that I find back where they belong much more interesting. Often I try to put something back in the place I saw it the day before only to find that it is in another part of the store altogether. I am starting to get the hang of it, so that's good. Lately, though, I have joined the Marketing Team. That is a fancy way of saying that I hover around the cash registers and try to get people to upgrade their membership. It is going well and my manager already told me that he was pleased with my work. I am not a natural salesman but at least I know that most people who upgrade end up saving money so that makes it easier. It's better than collecting carts from the parking lot, which I did one day last week. In this difficult economic time, I am grateful for work.

A week ago I had a promising interview with Kids Against Hunger. A secular nonprofit based in New Hope, a suburb of Minneapolis. That job would be an excellent fit for me and I am praying hard that they will bring me back for a second interview. I expect to hear something later this week.

Jackson got his first ear infection a few days ago. He has responded well to the antibiotics but is still not back to his normal self yet. Normally such a good sleeper, he has not been sleeping well the last few nights and therefore, Heidi and I have not been either. Hopefully this passes soon and we can get back to normal. Otherwise, he is doing well. He has mastered crawling and can move at incredible speeds. His favorite thing is to crawl to the nearest bathroom and try to stick his hands into the toilet. Good times.

Some photo updates

2009-11-27T17:18:00.003-06:00

We made the treck to WI to see Tim's sister a few weeks back, it has been awhile and it was great to see them.

Jackson is such a great kid. And I think as far as babies go, he's pretty easy too. For now anyway.... :P Here he is checking out the swings at the park.

Finally a picture of our little chicken on Halloween

Yip-Yip!!

2009-11-24T16:50:00.003-06:00

Today is a good day. Tim started a seasonal job at Cosco this afternoon and right before he left, he got a call for an interview for Monday for a job he's really interested in. AND we just found out that we have a signed, 18-month lease for the upstairs of our duplex. Wow. Exclamation points can't even scratch the surface of how thrilled we are. This is like the best day of my life!

Even with a full duplex, the rent we are bringing in is still quite shy of our mortgage, but we rejoice that it's full nonetheless. The coolest thing about all this is that about a month ago God told me that when things started to happen for, the provision was going to get a jump-started. Praise the LORD for His faithfulness.

We sure have a lot to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Our life is not so exciting right now

2009-11-16T21:24:00.005-06:00

Our life is not all that exciting right now. Heidi and I pretty much spend our days at home and try to see friends on the weekends. My job search has been pretty quiet until today when Costco gave me a second interview. It is a part time, seasonal stop gap job but we could use some income. Once the drug test and background check comes through, the job offer will come. I will still keep looking for full time work but it will be nice to have something to do. Heidi is also looking for some part time work. Our desire is for her to be able to stay home but she may have to work for a little while until we can get settled again. The duplex still has an empty unit and that is causing our bank account to drain at an alarming rate and cause us to seek extra income. Hopefully we will have tenants soon and that stress will be over. We'll keep our readers posted.

My Denver Broncos have taken a promising 6-0 start and flushed it down the toilet with three straight losses. This Sunday's game against San Diego could determine the season. I am not hopeful.

Jackson is a full fledged crawler now. He can travel the length of a room incredibly fast. The other day I left the laptop on an ottoman and went into the kitchen for a moment. Jackson raced across the room, pulled himself up to his feet, and started banging his hands on the keyboard as hard as possible. After I rescued the computer, I noticed that he has decided that he has a new favorite activity. Every time the computer is open, he goes for it. Why does he pick the most expensive thing we own besides our cars to play with? Despite that one thing, he is a sweet baby and we sure love him.

Halloween

2009-10-31T15:26:00.005-05:00

Today is Jackson's first Halloween. We are not fans of Halloween but we are big fans of costumes and free candy. We'll post Jackson's costume picture when we get a chance. He's pretty cute. We intend to take him Trick or Treating but only because we would like to meet the neighbors on our block. It's too good an opportunity to meet people to pass up. Since we do not know how long we will be living with Heidi's parents we thought we should meet some neighbors. Later on we will head to Chipotle for free burritos. Mmmm. Chipotle. Mmmm.

This week I interviewed for a job that would have been an excellent fit for me but I was not selected for the second round of interviews. After feeling sad for a few days I am again feeling hopeful for the future. Job searching is not fun at all but I must continue. Thanks to everyone who prayed for me when I had the interview. I am confident that something will come along. God did not leave us stranded. He'll take care of us.

Jackson can sort of crawl now and is good at finding the remote control. He is 100% boy. I sure do love him and Heidi.

Here is a bonus picture of Jackson. He loves the Denver Broncos.

Job interview!

2009-10-24T11:08:00.001-05:00

Tim has a job interview on Monday for a job he's actually interested in! If you could pray for him, that would be great!

October Fun

2009-10-24T10:47:00.004-05:00

Last night Tim and I got to go on a date!!!! A date! We don't get those very often and it was much needed. We had a great time and it reminded me of the "olden times" when we got to go on fun dates all the time. I fear we took those days for granted.....We went to dinner at Chili's and got 3 courses for $20, pretty good deal. It was WAY too much food though. We wanted something ethnic, of course, but we live in the suburbs now, so Chili's was fine. haha We had fun just talking and catching up, running around, being silly, it was really fun. Love you, babe, glad I married you!

Last Sunday, we went to the MN Landscape Arboretum with some of my friends from college, it was a beautiful day for it.

Jackson has been getting a lot of use out of all the clothes that my mom kept that my little brother wore when he was a baby in the early 80s. Here's a sweet little track suit that I just love. He also gets a lot of wear out of the clothes that my grandma made for Dan, can't believe she sewed all that stuff....Thanks for keeping this stuff Mom!

A family photo at the Arboretum.

Dharma and Amanda :)

Keeping the faith

2009-10-15T16:50:00.001-05:00

I mentioned a couple weeks ago that I had a job interview with Volunteers of America. I found out yesterday that I did not get it. That is the second time in my life that I have interviewed for a job and not been offered the job. I guess I am fortunate that it has not happened more. So, I am keeping my head up and am applying for new jobs every day. My faith that God will provide is still strong and He often provides in ways that cause our faith to build in the process. At the same time that I am not getting paid, our duplex has an empty unit. We are living with Heidi’s parents and our expenses are low, so we will be okay for a while. Despite the fact that we have no money coming in and lots going out, neither Heidi nor I are stressed about it. As trite as it sounds, all I can do is trust God and work hard at finding a job. Why worry about anything else? This does not come easy to me. I have to return to Matthew 6 and the words of Jesus to seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness. That’s what matters. Even if we had no earthly possessions, we have God and that is enough. We will be okay. That said, we covet the prayers of our friends and family for a job and renters for the duplex. Thanks.

On a far less important note, I sure am enjoying the Denver Broncos season so far. You can’t get better than perfect, with five wins and no losses so far. Monday night’s game with the Chargers is big. The Broncos win this one and the division is pretty much a lock. Go Broncos!

I sure do love Heidi and my sweet little guy. Jackson just gets cuter and cuter every day.

Obedience is better than sacrifice

2009-10-08T11:34:00.002-05:00

Last year I was a part of the mom's group at our church, which was great, but this year they switched it from Friday morning to Thursday night, making it a lot harder for me to get to. I was feeling really sad for myself and was praying for another outlet to connect with God and other moms that was during the day. Lo and behold, my God provided and I was invited to join a mom's group that was birthed out of a group of friends that Tim went to college with. It started out as a guy's Bible study about 10 years ago, then it was a co-ed Bible study based out of Woodland Hills and a few years ago came to include a weekly mom's group. It has also provided Tim with a part time job! While we meet upstairs, Tim gets paid to watch the kiddos downstairs :) Super cute. He gets Dad of the Year for sure!! Only 1 or 2 of the little girls are scared of "Mr. Tim."

We have only met 3 times, but I love it. It's a really neat group of 9 women who truly love the Lord and are passionate about Him, which leads them to being passionate about healthy marriages and healthy families.

We are reading through a book together and this week's chapter brought us to 1 Samuel 15, which REALLY blessed me. Through the voice of Samuel, God told King Saul to destroy the Amalekites and everything that belongs to them. Everything. Seems pretty clear, right? Well, apparently, not to Saul....he spared King Agag and the best livestock. The Lord was grieved over Saul's inability (or unwillingness) to follow His instructions and here's where it gets funny. So Saul says to Samuel (probably with a big grin) ' "I have carried out the Lord's instructions!" baaa, baaa....' Hm, is that a sheep I hear???? A sheep that you were supposed to destroy...interesting. Even though Saul intended to use this choice livestock as a sacrifice to God, God was NOT pleased and told him that obedience is better than sacrifice and rebellion is like the sin of witchcraft. Strong words.

I get encouraged from this as I see such a prime example of how seriously God takes our obedience. By staying back from going to Senegal, Tim and I have been obedient to God and we believe that He will bless that. It was a salve to my hurting heart to see confirmation of that in Scripture. We could have acted under a similar motivation as King Saul, acting out of sacrifice to God. We knew there would be sacrifice involved in serving overseas and we were ready for that. But there was something else God desired more from us than that sacrifice, and that was obedience.

Although the dust has settled and most people are used to the news of us not going anymore, Tim and I continue to press through the thick fog of what that means for our family now, practically speaking. There is still much healing to be done and we so thankful for a God who speaks to us often by His Spirit and through His Word.

Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as
much as in obeying the voice of the Lord?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.
1 Samuel 15:22

Job search update and a couple pictures

2009-10-06T10:08:00.003-05:00

Since my last post I have a coupe updates on my job search. A week ago today I interviewed to be a substitute teacher at a small Christian school about 15 minutes from Rogers. The woman liked me and now I am waiting for the paper work to be completed. If I can get a day or two a week, that would help offset some of our costs in the short term. On Thursday I had an interview for a full time job with Volunteers of America at their affordable housing complex in downtown Mpls. I am supposed to find out at the end of this week if they have chosen me. It's not my first choice but I think I would like it.

Jackson got to enjoy his first few Broncos games in his Brandon Marshall jersey. (Thanks Kyle and Mandy!) He is a lucky football fan. His team has not lost yet. Against all expectations, the Broncos are 4-0. Go Broncos!

sweet victory

2009-09-29T15:51:00.002-05:00

Trader Joe's had a cereal for a while that was lovely. It was called Trader Joe's chocolatey filled, whole grain cereal squares and it was wonderful.....until they discontinued it. Sad day. Well, today I went treasure hunting at Goodwill with my sister in law, Ellen, and we found many treasuer for $1.50 - good day. Then we stopped at Aldi. I was overjoyed to discover that Aldi now carries an even cheaper version of this fabulous cereal!!! Happy day! And it is delicious! Yay for Aldi! You have won my heart yet again.

Job search

2009-09-22T14:51:00.002-05:00

I (Tim) am in the midst of searching for a job. It's not an enjoyable process and it is certainly a slow one. Most days I spend a couple hours searching job sites and applying for the jobs that look interesting. I am amazed by how everything happens through the internet now and how you do not interact with human beings until the interview stage (which is usually preceded by a phone interview) of the hiring process. There are several kinds of jobs that I would enjoy. Any kind of parachurch ministry would be great. Heidi and I love our church and are not interested in a church job since it would take us away from there. I am also looking at social service jobs and HR, mostly in staff recruiting. There have been some great leads but no interviews yet. The rejection letters and emails get a little discouraging but I am in a good place of trust.

In the last couple months I read the first five books of the Bible in my personal devotion time. In this time of transition I feel like the Israelites after they escaped from Egypt. Their job was to trust God and worship Him. He pretty much took care of the rest. He gave them food, directions, and gave them a tangible means to know He did not leave them. All they had to do was look and see the pillar of fire or smoke and know that God was watching out for them. Yet still, they rejected Him. I feel like my task now is to keep looking for a job and to trust God to take care of us. So far I have not made any golden calves or prostituted myself to Baal, so that's good. Heidi and I do appreciate your prayers in this. I'll keep the Blog updated when there is any movement in the job front.

Duplex

2009-09-19T15:31:00.002-05:00

Please pray that Tim and I would have wisdom to know what do with our duplex. We really need renters for the upstairs and we're praying about whether to open it up to Section 8 again. We have had some bad experiences with Section 8 over the years, and were hoping not to have to "partner" with the state of MN again.

There hasn't been much interest in that unit this past month so we have dropped the price a couple times already. We are considering moving back into the duplex (again), but until we have some income coming in, we'd prefer not to. Please pray that we would hear the voice of God, that the perfect renters come along and that our management company would be blessed with the wisdom of God as well.

Thanks!

double coupon day?!?!?!

2009-09-09T21:33:00.002-05:00

I thought that double coupon days were a thing of the past, like Tab and Deloreans, but I was wrong. I am ALWAYS looking for a new edge at savng money and much to my joy, double coupon days are alive and well at Rainbow Foods around the metro area! Hip, hip, hooray for hump day! I saved a bunch of money and then hit up the Rogers farmer's market for some sweet deals on fresh veggies, yum-o. Couple that with Goodwill and Aldi and I am a money-saving machine. It really gives me a thrill, in case you can't tell... :P

On another note, I have been exerting a half-hearted effort at losing the rest of my baby weight. Some days I try...and others I don't. It's not a method I recommend! It's working, but VERY slowly. Anyway, today I was really trying and was doing a great job....until....Tim. We were at the farmer's market, I was looking at some tasty squash, and I turned to Tim, only he wasn't there anymore. So start to look around for him only to discover he has somehow made it aaaaalllllll the way down to the other side of the lot near the, go figure, ice cream truck. Hmph. This does not bode well for my diet, I think to myself. As I walk down there, I see the ice cream man handing Tim spoon after spoon of samples. This story ends with us sharing a small cup of delicious maple lusciousness, so I will spare you the details. I did, however, eat lots and lots of veggies today :)

A Jackson Update

2009-09-03T19:40:00.007-05:00

For all of Jackson's fans, here a few cute ones!

At Panera

In the sweet chair my mama scored for me at the thrift store.

With my first girlfriend, Miss Ivy. She's reeeeaaaal cute.

My early morning survey of the estate with my nana.

Rice cereal for the first time!! (this one is a few months old already)

Crazy

2009-08-18T15:41:00.001-05:00

To some people, it seemed crazy that Tim and I would bring a small child overseas. People often asked us, ‘are you bringing your son with you?’ What?! Uh, yep.

To others, it seemed crazy that we would raise monthly financial support. To that we say, our God owns the cattle on a thousand hills.

What seems crazy to us is that in the end, God asked us to stay here. At a time when so few are willing to serve overseas, especially among the unreached, God asked us to stay. We were willing, ready, passionate about going, but God told us to put the brakes on.

From conversations we’ve had, it also seems that a conclusion many have come to for us not going is that the funds just didn’t come in. What’s ironic is that in the end, The Navigators told us that we could go even if we weren’t fully funded!! Even more ironic is that at the time, that was the last thing we wanted to hear.

I had actually been praying that if God wanted us to stay, it would be about the finances. That we wouldn’t be able to get fully funded and we could tell people it was about the economy. That’s something that everyone could understand, right? I think I even asked God, please give us a “cover story,” something that we can tell people other than having to say ‘God said so.’ So when we heard The Navs give us the green light, my heart fell. I knew that was the Lord, taking away every other option for why we were staying.

At this point, we have some understanding for why we aren’t going right now, but certainly not the full story. And that’s enough for us because God said so.

a thank you

2009-08-11T18:09:00.002-05:00

For those of you who have cried with us, prayed with us, grieved with us, and trusted God with us in the past month, we thank you. For Tim and I, to say yes to God and be obedient in not going to Senegal, it was truly the death of a dream. We are feeling the deep loss of ‘what could have been’ on a daily basis. But although the wounds are still fresh, we know that to stay here was definitely God’s best for our family right now.

Right now the first part of 2 Corinthians 1:9 sums up how we feel: “…in our hearts, we felt the sentence of death” because we don't fully understand why the Lord asked us to stay. However, the second part of the verse gives us great hope. “But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead.”

Your emails, phone calls, cards, tears and hugs have been just what we’ve needed most and we thank you for reaching out to us. Your understanding in this time makes all the difference when we share with others who do not understand what we are experiencing. You, dear friends, have dealt with us mercifully and have extended the love of God to us. You have truly functioned as the body of Christ and have come around us with words of affirmation and confirmation. Most of all, we are thankful for your belief in our ability to hear from God in this matter.

Our intention is to get in touch with all of our donors in some way in the coming months. If we haven’t touched base with you yet, be patient, we are working our way down the list. :) Once again, thank you for your prayers. We are taking things a day at a time and all things considered, are doing ok. We continue to trust God for His perfect provision.

For anyone we missed.....

2009-07-30T21:26:00.001-05:00

Dear friends, July 28, 2009
We write this newsletter with heavy hearts as we want to share with you how God has led us to alter our course from going to Senegal. The past few months have been a very painful process as we have prayerfully agonized over this decision.

In March, Tim and I felt the Lord prompting us to lay everything down on the altar. At first it seemed to us that we would lay down our ministry and then be able to pick it right back up, like Abraham did with the sacrifice of his son, Isaac. But after a couple months of diligently seeking God on this we experienced a shift and felt God nudging us to be willing to face the possibility that we might not pick it up again.

Upon returning to Minnesota after our training in Colorado, we diverted our attention from fundraising and began to press into God more forcefully. We sought godly council and spent hours praying and weeping over this potential loss. In the end, both Tim and I felt we had clearly heard from God that we needed to be obedient and heed the Lord’s instruction to stay. We were no longer hearing a “yes” from God. So we have taken this position of painful obedience and we are no longer going.

This has been a lonely and difficult process, to say the least, and may continue to be so as it’s a challenge for us to thoroughly express just how broken we feel. We had truly adopted the Wolof people into our hearts and were eagerly anticipating serving alongside our teammates. But God’s ways are higher than man’s and we know that we can’t step into a ministry unless we are 200% confident that it’s where God wants us. So although we are feeling like the bottom has dropped out underneath us, we both have perfect peace with our decision. We don’t know what God has in store for us, and right now it is taking more faith and trust for us to stay rather than to go. But we are stepping out in faith that we will stay and He will provide.

Please know that we have processed this decision with The Navigators extensively and they have graciously walked us through it. We have just returned from traveling out to Colorado again to personally bring some closure to our partnership. Tim and I wanted to honor them with a personal visit to show our deep respect for all they have done for us and the high esteem we still hold them in. They have been honoring of us by affirming our gifting, whole-heartedly supporting us in our ability to hear from God in this matter, and spending time debriefing us.

On a practical note, we are still living with my parents in Rogers, MN and Tim will start looking for employment. Because we are leaving Nav staff effective August 31st, you can discontinue your support of our ministry immediately by calling 1-866-568-7827. We are so thankful and have been so humbled by the faithful financial support you have generously given over the past 2+ years. Your investment in the Kingdom has not been wasted and all remaining funds in our account will go to other Nav missionaries. If you wish to continue supporting the ministry in Senegal you can designate your donation to account #23741333. Once again, thank you for your faithful support of our family in this endeavor.

Our desire is to make ourselves available to you to answer any questions you may have or to explain anything in greater detail. We are transparent in this that God would ultimately be glorified. His plans are perfect and though we don’t understand them completely right now, we know He is good and we rejoice in that. Throughout this process He has continued to confirm our calling to minister in the nations in some capacity in His perfect timing. We have no idea what that will look like, but we trust His timing.

The Lord has certainly sustained us on this journey and we know that the past 3+ years have not been in vain. For many years our lives have belonged to the Lord and therefore, He is able to use them as He pleases. He has made his nearness extremely evident to us as He’s walked with us through this crossroads. As we make the transition fully back into life here, both physically and emotionally, Tim and I still covet your prayers as we are desperately grieving this loss on a daily basis.

Trusting in Him,
Tim and Heidi

dear friends and random mountain cars

2009-07-23T20:38:00.004-05:00

I am still playing catch-up from blogging about our time out in Colorado, so here's another one:

Tim and I were out there for 5 weeks of training, a 2 week session and a 3 week session. There were 2 families and 1 single guy that were there with us all 5 weeks and they really became dear friends to us. (Sorry James, I don't actually have a pic of you! But we love you!)

Steve and Julie, aka "grandpa" Steve and "auntie" Julie :) They are headed to Mozambique and we had a wonderful time getting to know them!

This family was another favorite. Here are Angie and Tom, but we couldn't wrangle their 4 beautiful kids for the picture. We had a blast with these guys. Angie and I decided we were best friends that hadn't met yet....or was that me and Kate...? I can't remember. Either way, I love 'em all! Praise God for new friends, you can't ever get enough in my book.

Now the problem with going through an intense training session with missionaries, and this goes for everyone we met at MTI, is that you get to know these incredible people and then they scatter to the nations. By the end, we wanted to be on the same team as everyone we met!!! We definitely made some life-long friends.
Here's our random mountain car.

While hiking Queen's Canyon at The Glen, we came across this random car near the top of the mountain and no one at the facility (that we asked) has any idea where it came from. Super weird. There was no trail from the top indicating that it came crashing down and it was evident that it had been there awhile, but not through a winter. Weird.....random mountain car.

Jackson's time at MTI

2009-07-11T19:24:00.003-05:00

At MTI we needed to utilize the on-site childcare for Jackson so that Tim and I could get the most out of the training. I was a little dubious, but it ended up being a great opportunity. So here are some pics of the great time Baby Jack had ad the great friends he made!"Grandpa" Steve was a special favorite of Jackson's, I think it was the Oklahoma accent! He just LOVED listening to Steve talk or sing to him.

Miss Kate was also a special friend to Jackson, they spent many a mealtime together while Tim and I ate :) Thanks again, Kate!!

Little Andrew was Jackson's buddy in daycare, they would lay and look at each other. haha

And last but certainly not least, is Michelle, who took GREAT care of our little guy for 5 weeks straights. She set us at ease and did a fabulous job.

Prayer cabin

2009-06-30T19:19:00.002-05:00

Last week I (Tim) spent a couple days at a prayer cabin at The Wilderness Fellowship, (http://www.wildernessfellowship.com/), in Wisconsin. I went up on Monday afternoon and returned Wednesday about noon. My purpose was to seek the Lord about what the next couple months should look like. All I took was some simple food, my running gear, my Bible, and my Ipod with some worship music on it. I am extroverted enough that the solitude started getting to me after a while but that was also when I felt the closest to the Lord. Each day I took a walk on the amazing trails and also went running to clear my head. The worship music helped me prepare to pray and I also spent some significant time in the Gospel of Luke. I strongly recommend the prayer cabins as a fantastic way to connect with the Lord while avoiding distractions. It was a great experience and I am glad to have had the chance to spend such quality time with my Lord.

I did miss Heidi and Jackson an awful lot while I was gone.

Father's Day

2009-06-21T21:00:00.002-05:00

Today was my first Father's Day as a father. When I look at my little guy I feel a sense of responsibility that I have never felt before. I love him so much and want to do right as his father. When I worked at Rawhide Boy's Ranch, I noticed that there was one thing that was the same with every single boy at that Ranch. Their fathers were all either physically or emotionally absent. Children need fathers in their lives. They can have the most wonderful mother of all time but still grow up a mess because they lack a father. American society has undervalued fathers and many men have shunned their role as a father. Men need to embrace their role and stand up for fatherhood. Let's get moving, fellas.

By the way, happy father's day, Dad. I was one of the fortunate ones. Thanks.

Pretty cool.

2009-06-19T20:00:00.002-05:00

Weeks ago I (Tim) wrote a post about how we felt the Lord was telling us to give away our car even though a guy from the oil change shop offered $550 for it. Well, we did give the car away instead of taking the money. A few weeks later we were given two checks from friends that equaled $550. God is good.

Jackson's update in pictures

2009-06-13T12:39:00.007-05:00

One thing that we really enjoyed about being at MTI was the closeness of the trails. Jackson LOVED being carried along in the Bjorn.

Here he is livin' it up. Oh the life of a baby!

Tummy time!

He's learned how to spin around at his little play gym. He used to love it, but I think the novelty is wearing off....although you can't tell that by his expression in this picture.

Here's Jackson hanging out with uncle Larry.

A nice one with grandpa Chase and daddamomma.

Playing catch-up

2009-06-13T12:16:00.002-05:00

Before we post some (of the many) pics from SPLICE, we need to catch up and a put up a few from PILAT, the language program that we attended first.Here is a picture of our class along with all the teachers. What an intense couple weeks!

Bryan and Sarah are some fellow Navs that we met a couple years ago at a fundraising conference, they do collegiate work in Oregon. And they were in CO at the same time for another conference with The Navigators. It was great to see them and introduce our boys!

Our new friend Laurie from PILAT who will also be serving in Senegal!

Over Memorial weekend, we also got to see some good friends up in Boulder and meet their little guy!! Mandy and I were college roomates and she and Kyle live in Wyoming now. The Denver area has served us well as a great meeting point!

Now we are at the Glen for about 40 hours for a little sabbath rest and family debriefing time before we head home. It just didn't seem right to finish 5 weeks of intensity and jump in the car to head back to our new normal. SPLICE was amazing and I think we will continue to process all we learned for a while. Some on the blog, some in our journals! But there are more thoughts and pictures to come.

The Colorado Adventure Continues

2009-06-02T22:19:00.003-05:00

Here is Jackson meeting his paternal Grandmother for the first time. She was pretty excited.
These are the instructors for our language training, Barbara and Dwight Gradin. They were fantastic and we learned a tremendous amount from them. Their language acquisition techniques are cutting edge and we are excited to put them into practice. We are much better prepared for language study thanks to them.
Jackson spits up a lot. Some of it gets on his Daddy.
On a Saturday afternoon we did some tourist stuff. This picture is at the Manitou Cave Dwellings. We toured the dwellings and visited their surprisingly cool gift shop. Afterward we cruised the shops in Manitou Springs and ate Mexican food in old Colorado City. It was an enjoyable day.

We are now in our second week of culture learning after two full weeks of language. It's all valuable training and we are glad to have this opportunity. We have made some great friends here and get to look at the mountains all the time. Can't complain about that.

Tiny Town

2009-05-21T17:36:00.003-05:00

Tiny Town is what you would expect it to be. It's a tiny town in Morrison, Colorado, in the foothills, just outside of Denver. Jackson slept most of the time but everyone else enjoyed it. Tim's brother Larry came along, too.
It's a town that is just his size. He liked hanging out at the Opera House.
There is a tiny train that we got to ride for $1 each.
Heidi loves all things small, so she loved Tiny Town.

This outing was already a week and a half ago, so we are falling behind on posts. Our language training has gone well and we will give an update on it soon.

Our first few days in Colorado

2009-05-13T18:16:00.003-05:00

After our visit to Tiny Town (pictures to be posted later) we visited the Mount Lindo Cemetery, which is the location of the Cross on the Mountain. Heidi and Jackson were enjoying the view of Denver from Davy Crockett's tombstone.
Jackson gets wedged in the back with all the luggage. Poor kid. Sometimes we'd move stuff around and Heidi would ride back there with him. We brought a lot of stuff. Most of it is for Jackson though.
Our first few days were spent in meetings, working over logistics at The Navigator's HQ. We got to stay on their property which includes this incredible castle. We did not get to stay in the castle but did eat breakfast there. It was great to see some of our old friends there and meet a few new ones. After our time there, Heidi and I introduced Jackson to my folks and my brother up in Denver. Then we spent the weekend visiting with some friends and a supporting church before heading down to Palmer Lake.
Glen Eyrie is like Rivendell from the Lord of the Rings books. Incredibly beautiful.

Right now we are at Mission Training International, learning about culture and how we learn language. So far so good. Two days down of 5 weeks!!

Nana fix

2009-05-08T19:39:00.004-05:00

Since we were living with my folks for a couple weeks before we left for Colorado, my parents got to see Jackson all the time. So I think they are going through a baby Jack withdrawal. So here are a few pictures for Nana!!

Right after getting some shots

Morning time cuddles with Nana