That said, their house doesn't feel like our home and I don't think we will ever truly feel settled here. We still live out of boxes and that takes its toll after a while. More than that, we still feel an empty place where a dream used to be. Healing from a broken heart takes time. This is a process I am learning well and no matter how I feel, with a little one at my heels, I still have to pull it together and get through each day with a smile.
Tim and I recently listened to a good sermon on choosing to rejoice when you don't feel like it. The speaker gave the Hebrew definition of the word rejoice, which basically includes the physical actions of smiling, jumping and spinning. It's challenged us to make that choice to rejoice even when we don't feel like it. So we have decided that we are going to have a family dance party EVERY night until we get our breakthrough. Lately, we have been rockin' to the song with the chorus 'this is how we overcome' (I can't remember the song name, but it's a good one.) Jackson absolutely loves it and runs to the living room as soon as we say the words dance party, it's very cute. We all smile big, spin, and jump around and it's been really fun. Even if I don't feel like it, I always feel better afterwards. And I find myself singing the song throughout the day, which is a great encouragement.
Tim and I are trusting God for some big things and are really praying that God would dramatically broaden our scope. We know He didn't keep us back from Senegal for something less and we want to believe for something even bigger, more than we could ask or imagine. But it's hard. Anyone who tells you it isn't really, really hard is lying. Seeking God for a God-sized calling is tough. I cry a lot. And I cry out to God a lot. A lot. Lucky for me, He is faithful to answer. We may not have a new dream to fill our empty hearts yet, but we still have a solid grip on the "dream Giver." And He is good.
So I end this post with a challenge for you. Have you chosen to rejoice today? If not, and you don't think you have the strength to do it alone, come on over and join our dance party. It may sound cheesey, but there is power in praising God. Check out the Psalms.