Somedays, you torture me, Facebook.

Happy Memorial Weekend!  Tim and I are filling ours with productivity, rest and time with both sides of the family.  

My favorite part about Facebook is how easy it has made the task of keeping up with people.  Those who use it at least.  I love, love, love looking at pictures from "our" team in Senegal.  I can't get enough.  I just love it.  I love missionaries in general, but I especially love a certain 7 missionaries in Kebemer, Senegal  :)   Joe and Cara just had their ngente, or baby-naming ceremony, for little Oliver Rufus.  The pictures were lovely and everyone looked amazing.  

Somedays though, it's just as painful as it is enjoyable to cruise through the images.  Most days I would say that's still the case actually.  But I can't NOT look.  I love to see what's going on with them.  I love to see everything about their lives.  A year ago, it was going to be us sitting there celebrating with them.  So maybe I torture myself by pouring over the pictures, but I can't stop.  I am so thankful that God continues to work healing in our hearts.  While I still ache today, I know that one day I won't.  And I rejoice in that hope.  I hurt, but I count it all joy as I face this circumstance.  

So congratulations Herzbergs!  We love you, we love Oliver and we can't wait to see you this summer!  

A New Dawn

If you know me, you know I like to go to bed early, typically 10pm.  Tim likes to stay up, but I need my sleep.  So when I tell you that I am sitting up typing this blog at 11:45pm you know that means something.  I went to bed at 10:15 and laid there totally awake for 45 minutes until the Lord finally got through to me that I needed to come and write this post.

Tim and I often dialogue about why we keep a blog.  In the beginning, it was obvious:  a way for friends and family to keep up with us while living in West Africa.  These days though, it seems less clear to me why we blog.  As much as Tim loves football and I love coupons, posting about those topics can seem a little fluffy in the grand scheme of things.  Blogging just to blog is a waste of time.  I have often been motivated to blog by a desire to make people understand our situation;  to help people “get it.”  But making people understand is not my job and this is an attitude that I have needed to repent of as God has challenged me to examine how much I care about what others think of me. 

Blogging is such a funny thing to me b/c you never really know who is reading your posts and you rarely get much feedback.  You put your thoughts out there to fade into cyberspace or maybe people are entertained by them.  Either way, I do find it cathartic.  It’s been a helpful tool for me to process this past year. 

Though this year has been nothing that we expected, God has been speaking to us more than at any other time in our lives.  On the surface, it’s been a pretty dull time for us and we have felt lonely, isolated, and discouraged.  We’re far from friends and away from community events (and that got really old really fast), but when we really think about it, this year has been anything but boring.

God has kept us on our toes.  He has ministered to us through prophetic words again and again and He is building up that gift within each of us.  (For all of our non-Pentacostal friends out there, don’t freak out, ok?  Bear with me!)  It’s these stories of His grace and mercy that really get us excited about what He’s up to.  It’s these stories of His faithfulness, provision, and hope that we want to share with you.  It’s these stories/experiences that have kept us seeking Him this past year when we have wanted nothing more than to give up and walk away.

We don’t say the things we say in order to prove something to you.  God told us to stay and we stayed.  But that’s not the end of the story.  We want to share these things b/c God is doing a good work and He is pouring out His spirit upon us in exciting new ways. 

Words cannot express how devastated Tim and I have felt, and sometimes still feel, this past year.  God has stripped away almost everything from us (title, ministry, location, financial security, you name it, we feel like we have lost it).  Most days, we feel keenly aware of all the things that we seem to lack.  But what we don’t lack, the most important thing, is Him.  In fact, He has given us more of Himself. 

Our desire has always been to be transparent with our ministry partners and though we’re not in ministry right now, but we speak with faith when we say that we will be.  And as we journey with God to that end, we deeply desire to encourage others along the way. 

So now our blog has a revised focus.  We want to share with you (whoever you are J) the “nitty-gritty” of what God is doing in us as we work out our salvation with much fear and trembling.  Please don’t be scared off if we start using language that we haven’t used before in the blog.  It’s still us:  Tim and Heidi.  We are just sharing more b/c it’s time.  It’s time to speak boldly about the things that God is doing in our lives b/c that’s what He’s called us to do.  When we hear a powerful prophetic word from God, we want to share it that He would be glorified. 

There might still be an occasional post about football and coupons, but mostly we want to boast in our God about this crazy ride that He has us on; it’s still a painful and bumpy ride, but it’s good. 

So please, join us in this adventure, leave comments, leave prayer requests, let us know how God is working in your life that we could join in with you and ride the wave of His mercy.

Ok, it’s 12:35…..I am tired! 

‘night 

1st week on the job.

I (Tim) have completed my first five days at my new job.  So far, I like it.  The place I am working is a halfway house that is contracted with the Department of Corrections and the Bureau of Prisons to handle inmates that are transitioning back into the community.  Every one of them has committed a felony and is facing an uphill battle to re-enter their lives.  My job is to teach classes to the residents, both men and women, during their first two weeks at the halfway house that will allow them to find meaningful employment.  The classes cover things like forgiveness, anger management, and expectations.  There is a lot of information to cover and it is not really enough for the years of incarceration but hopefully the classes are enough to get them thinking about their choices and what they want in life.  Soon I will start putting my own personality into the material and making it my own.  I am excited to add a new element of financial training into the material as well.  It's a good job so far, and I am grateful to have it.

Heidi and I are now back in Rogers.  The Leberts arrive back in the USA tomorrow with their kids, so we are no longer needed in St. Paul.  It is good to be home but I will miss the fantastic location of their house.  It was so nice to be able to hang out with people and not drive 45 minutes to do so.  We are praying that the Lord will give us some way to live back in the city and when that happens, we'll blog about it.

I got a full time job.

This will hopefully be my (Tim) last employment update for a long, long time.  The last couple months I have been working back at Costco on a part time basis.  Ironically, I was pretty close to getting full time hours and a better position in the company when I got an offer for a full time job.  I put in my two weeks notice at Costco on Monday and accepted a job at Volunteers of America at their Roseville facility.  The job title is Employment Program Coordinator and I will be working at a halfway house with inmates that are finishing their time in the Department of Corrections.  It sounds scary but it's really not.  The bulk of my job will be relationship building and helping the inmates to change their mindset to succeed on the outside.  I am sure there will be difficult days but I am looking forward to being challenged again.  At first I was not all that excited about the job and did not even want to go for the interview.  Somewhere in the process both Heidi and I came to know that the Lord provided this job and I was to be obedient and take it.  We know He is faithful and we will trust Him to take care of the rest.  It's a relief to no longer be on the job hunt and I am grateful for God's provision.

Livin it up in St. Paul!

For the last couple weeks, Heidi and I have left our suburban life behind and re-entered the city.  Our friends, Ed and Amanda, are in Columbia to pick up their newly adopted children and we are watching their house and dogs for them.  We love the seven minute drive to church and being so close to friends again.  I can run from their house and around Lake Como and back in about 45 minutes, although I do have to pay more attention to traffic than in Rogers.  We are happy that we can bless Ed and Amanda and will move back to Rogers in a few weeks.  Until then, we'll keep enjoying city life.

A year ago this month

As of about a week ago (April 19^th), Tim and I have been living with my parents for 1 year.  Yep.  1 year of crazy transition.  So far….the clock is still ticking…..  When we moved in we thought we’d be there 4 months tops.  Certainly not until Christmas, we’d say to each other….Well, God had different plans. 

So even with the coming of another beautiful MN Spring, April is a bittersweet month for us this year.  We are thankful for God’s provision as we continue to pray about direction.  We are also thankful that our ongoing needs keep us seeking Him, while Tim looks for full time work.  God is teaching us the painful lesson about finding satisfaction in Him and nothing else. 

Although there are lots of reasons why we still long to have our own place again, I think we are getting used to living with my parents.  There are a lot of benefits to multi-generational living and we are really thankful to have parents that can help us out in this way.  Truthfully, I don’t know what we’d do if we couldn’t live with them.  We don’t even have enough income to even rent out part of our own duplex!

We sure don’t know what’s coming next, but one thing we do know, the longer it takes for us to finally get settled again, the  more committed we are to what God is calling us to, no matter what.  And for right now, knowing that He knows what that is, even when we don’t, that’s enough for us.

A post the ladies can appreciate

Today I realized that I am proud of myself.  (With a little help from Amanda J)  I am an emotional eater for SURE.  I love, love, love food.  I love to read about it, look at it, buy it, prepare it, talk about it, and eat it.  And this is especially true when I am feeling down.  The past 9 months of this crazy transition time have been an emotional rollercoaster leading to little bouts of depression for both of is.  So I am proud of myself that in the midst of it all, I have been able to lose some weight.  If you are an emotional eater, you know how profound this is!  Some of it was baby weight and needed to go and some of it had nothing to do with Jackson, but still needed to go!  I have been watching what I eat and working out, but I think some of it was that fact that I can control what I am eating even when I can’t control anything else in my life right now.  At least it’s a small victory in this season of discouragement J   

Pushin Broom

Encouragement sometimes comes from strange places.  One of my (Tim) all time favorite bands is Tourniquet, a metal band that hit the scene around 1990 and made some amazing music over the years.  They are mostly known for their incredible drummer, deep lyrics which were often inspired by medical terminology, and a singer with good enough diction to actually understand him.  One of my favorite songs is "Pushin Broom", from their 1995 album Vanishing Lessons.  It is a reminder to be faithful in the little things before we can expect God to give us bigger things.  The song says that sometimes we have be content to push a broom and not try to speed along God's plan for us while the voice in our heads tells us that we are wasting our lives.  Only when we ignore that voice and seek to be faithful with what we know God has for us will we be able to take that next step.  I feel like that song speaks to my situation.  Working at Costco is a blessing and I am grateful to have some income but I am also longing for the day when I am back in full time work that I find more fulfilling.  However, I must constantly remind myself not to look ahead but to seek the Lord now and enjoy what he has for me today.  The extra time with my family is a true blessing and someday I'll look back at that with gratitude.  In the meantime, I will work on being faithful and keep pushing that broom.

Easter

When I (Tim) was in high school, I started the tradition of listening to the song, "It is Finished" by Petra, every Good Friday.  Last year I finally switched songs to "Beautiful, Scandalous Night" by Bebo Norman and Leigh Nash.  Those songs bring me to the place of the Passion, where Jesus went through pain and death for me.  I am still amazed that He loved me enough to do that.  It really is amazing.  I am so glad that the story did not end on Friday.  As the old preacher said, "it's Friday.  But Sunday's comin!"  He is risen!  He is risen indeed!

Spring has sprung....sort of

Every year my birthday comes on the first day of spring (today!), but sadly, in MN, that doesn't necessarily mean anything.  Jackson and I have enjoyed a lovely walk every day this week regardless of the weather.  

So far the day is off to a great start.  I have been trying (with relative success) to fast from coffee for lent.  But today I decided to ring in the celebrations with a steaming cup of jo.  It was delicious!  I got to sit and watch the food network and enjoy my coffee while Tim fed Jackson.  What a great husband!  Then Tim headed off to work and Mom, Jackson and I headed to Big Bowl for lunch, yum.  After work, I will pick Tim up, we'll drop Jackson with some friends and out on the town we will go, hooray!  But for now, here are some more pictures of my current employer.  What a cutie.

Sporting the hawk

If you know me, you know I love little things:  A little man in a little chair, ha!

He loves to drink the last drop of my coffee 

As you may know, we have been doing a lot of house-sitting lately and he has really loved all the "new" kitchen cupboards to play in.  And always with spoon in hand :)

Back to Costco

It is time for an employment update.  Costco called and invited me back to work, so that is good.  I have been back two days so far and I am getting back into my groove.  They are giving me 24 hours per week and I am grateful for the income.  Aside from that, there is little to report.  I have had several interviews in the last month or so but nothing has come of them.  One interview was for a position at MN Teen Challenge and I was excited about it, but it was offered to someone else.  There is not much to do except keep pressing on.  Today as I was praying, I felt a hope return to my heart that I have not felt in a while.  I was reminded of Jeremiah 29:11, where the Lord reminds Israel that He has a hope and a future for them.  Yes, I receive that.  Heidi did restart her Mary Kay business and that has brought in a some cash, so that's good.  I will keep the blog updated when anything exciting happens.

A whirlwind weekend.

A week ago my sister, Sally, and I boarded the Megabus for an overnight trip to Chicago.  Having never taken a trip on the Megabus, we were unsure what to expect.  The bus was running late so we waited for an hour outside in 21 degrees with a lot of other impatient and cold people.  We were finally able to score two seats together and settled in for the trip.  Many of the people around us were on their cell phones and most talked much louder than necessary.  A few people’s conversations would have made Ice Cube blush with the foul language.  I have never heard the F word or N word as much as on that bus ride.  Fortunately I was able to sleep most of the way but poor Sally was not.  Upon our arrival in Chicago, we found a taxi and located the South Shore Line for our train ride to Valparaiso, IN.  With Starbucks Pike Place roast in hand, we rode the train and met up with our sister, Amy, and niece, Christi in Valparaiso and they drove us to Warsaw, IN.  We had enough time to get cleaned up and meet up with the rest of the family for dinner before Christi’s show, the reason we trekked to Northern IN.

Christi has an immense talent for comedy.  She gets it from the Chase side of the family, we know that for certain.  Last spring she spent a semester at Second City doing Comedy Studies, so she is the real deal with comedy.  The show we had travelled to see was a sketch show and she was the writer, director, stage manager, and costumer.  It was put on with students from Grace College, where Christi is finishing her senior year and will graduate with one of those degrees where you don’t make any money.  (I’ve got one of those, too.)  Sketch shows are just a bunch of mostly unrelated skits meant to make you laugh.  Imagine Saturday Night Live if it was still funny.  I cannot say enough good things about her show.  It was so funny that my stomach hurt afterward.  I am so proud of her and excited to see where this takes her in the future.  She could write for Jay Leno and then he would actually be funny.

On Sunday we returned to Chicago with Amy and Christi to catch the bus home.  I learned that I did not know Chicago as well as I thought and we had some trouble finding the place to board the Megabus.  We finally decided to park and use the free wireless at Panera to find the right location but then quickly realized that we were only a block away but had not been able to see the place because of road construction.  After pizza at Giodano’s (spell?), which was awesome, we found our bus stop.  Since we put our trip together at the last minute, our tickets did not line up for the same bus.  Fortunately Sally sweet talked the driver and he let me board with the wrong ticket.  Our fellow riders were a much different crowd from the last ride and I don’t remember hearing any foul language on this trip.  I am so glad I got to see family and Christi’s show.  It was a great weekend but I’m still tired.

Here is a picture of my talented niece.

Why?

Lately Tim and I have gotten a few emails and the like with a similar question in them.  Basically, a few folks have asked why we didn't go to Senegal.  Our desire is to be transparent in this transition and I have been meaning to address this via the blog for a while now.  Usually, by the time I get Jackson into bed, I am too wiped to do anything very productive!

Our answer to this question is painfully simple:  God said so.  It doesn't sound like much, I know, but it's enough.  It has to be!  Just over a year ago, the Lord started preparing us for a door that was going to close.  His word was that we should not be discouraged, b/c He was going to do a new thing.  Though we never imagined it would be such a big door, God began to speak to us (loudly) about obedience and timing.  We do have more insight into why, and some of that we are holding on to until the time is right to share it, but we can say that God wanted to know how much He could trust us.

When we first heard Him say that a door was closing, we began to pray for discernment.  We also began to say yes, yes, yes to all that God has for us, even if it meant a completely different ministry.  The best way that I can explain it is that as we were constantly saying yes, and holding "our" ministry in open hands, along the way we said yes to something that God grabbed on to and thought 'ok, I am going to use them in a different way, time to change the direction of things.'  I don't know if that makes sense to you, but that is how I understand it.

So we stayed b/c God changed the plan.  We still feel called to ministry, but we have NO idea of what that will look like.  And since we made the final decision to heed what we thought we were hearing from God, we have not doubted for a moment that it was the right decision.  We praise God for that peace and we are blessed by how vocal God has been to us in this time of transition.

This season continues to be one filled with pain, tears and grieving and we deeply covet your prayers, especially for our unity as a family.  We definitely feel stretched, especially as this season of unemployment continues to take its toll on us.  We are hanging in there, but it's surely a challenge to stay full of faith and hopeful for the future.

I hope this answers some questions.  If not, we want to know.  We want God to be supremely glorified through this chapter of our lives and we are not embarrassed by anything that has transpired (even though we are unemployed and live in my parents guest room....  :P  ) so we welcome dialog  about what God is doing.

If you'd like to read the original newsletter see the post from July 30th, 2009 from the archives.

Peace.

Housesitting

For the last week and a half, Heidi and I have been housesitting in Richfield.  It is nice to be closer to our friends and have our own place for a while but being away from all of our stuff does get tiring.  Also, Jackson requires so much gear that our car was pretty much stuffed.  A few days ago our stationwagon needed to go into the shop so we had to bring some stuff back to Heidi's parent's house and retrieve our Honda Civic, which has much less cargo space.  Hopefully we will still be able to get everything into the Honda on Tuesday when we are done in Richfield.  We have also discovered that we are not dog people.  This is the second time we have watched someone's dog and, while we do not dislike dogs, we just don't love them.  Ironically, we have two more house/dogsittings scheduled for the next couple months.  In both cases, the people are good friends with nice dogs, (and large TVs) so we are not at all worried about it.  It is good that we did this so that we did not get a dog and discover that we were not cut out for dog ownership.

I am still in the job hunt.  Yesterday I had an interview at MN Teen Challenge and that went well.  It would be a great job and I am sure I would like it a lot.  I will not hear about a 2nd interview for a couple weeks since one of the decision makers is going on vacation all of next week.  Today I had a phone interview at Lifesource, which does organ procurement.  Next week I should hear if they want another interview.  It is good to have interviews and I'll keep putting out applications and keep the blog updated when anything happens.  I am in a good place of trusting God to provide.

Let's party, MK style

This entry is kind of like Tim's last blog, it's another employment update...sort of...I have decided to start selling Mary Kay cosmetics again!  I used to do this a few years back and I thought I'd see if I can generate some income for the Chase family until Tim is working.  So, here we go!  

Some of you have asked us over the past few months if there is anything you can do to help us re-transition back to life in MN.  Well.....I have a fun, tangible suggestion for you (insert sweet smile)...you can throw a Mary Kay party!!!  If you are reading this and thinking, "No way!  MK is for Southern women with big hair and way too much lipstick," don't worry, that's not how I roll.  I am a pretty mellow MK lady, parties are a fun way to hang out with your friends and try a new lip gloss color :)     

So, if you're up for it, or even if you just want to order a refill of your fave foundation, let me know.  I would REALLY appreciate it and I promise it will be fun!

Employment Update

I (Tim) have not given an employment update in a while, so here it is.  Since September 1, I have been officially unemployed.  After a couple months of searching and a few interviews, I accepted a part time job at Costco and kept sending out resumes and interviewing.  I was at Costco as a seasonal employee for six weeks and then was let go, along with the other seasonal workers.  It was supposed to go for two more weeks, but the money flow was not enough to keep us.  Now I continue to job search and hope to find something soon. 

I learned a few things working at Costco, which was the first retail job I had done since 1995.  The following  are a some of them:

-          - A big part of my job was to go around returning items that customers had left in the wrong spot.  They would decide that they did not want it and leave it in some other part of the store.  That drove me nuts.  C’mon, people.  Put your stuff back where you got it.  Especially when it needs refrigeration.  Don’t be so lazy.

-         -  I also spent a couple shifts collecting carts from the parking lot.  On Christmas Eve, I spent seven hours on cart duty in a snowstorm.  I got annoyed when people would leave their garbage in their cart.  There are no magic elves that go around and pick up trash.  It was me.  I did not want to do cart duty when I started but I enjoyed it more than I expected.

-         -  Most of my time was spent going around with a scanner to get info from the customer’s membership cards and convincing them to upgrade their membership.  As you can imagine, most people did not want to upgrade.  A few were jerks but that was the minority, fortunately.  I was good at it but never enjoyed it all that much.

-          - One woman got the award for jerky customer of the year.  When I was on cart duty in the handicapped section, I woman drove up to me and rolled down her window.  I leaned down and she asked me if we used all the handicapped spots, many of which were empty at that moment.  My response was that when the store is busy, all the spots are filled.  She said “hurump” or something like that and drove away in a huff.  Anyone who complains that there are too many handicapped spots is the jerk of the year.

-          -  I got to run into some friends that I don’t get to see often, so that was a nice side benefit of the job.

I am grateful for the Costco job but I am looking forward to full time employment with something that fits my gifts a little better.  I appreciate your prayers and will give an update when I have any news.

So many firsts!

We are constantly celebrating firsts these days, from baby signs and cute expressions to discipline.  Mostly fun things, though.  It was great to celebrate Jackson's first birthday even though he didn't really get it.

So many presents for such a little guy!  He really liked ripping the bows off.

That little orange dinosaur is about the cutest thing ever and handmade by Jackson's special friend Marlyse.

Since we don't give Jackson any refined sugar (except for trace amounts) I made him a healthy rendition of some sweet potato pie.  At first he wasn't sure what to think of it, even though he loves sweet potatoes (who doesn't?!), but then he got into it.

Not too much of a mess to clean up either, which was nice  :)

Jackson may have liked it, but Nana needed to add some sugar to hers...haha

Here's another one of our little man surveying the bounty on Christmas morning.

Life sure has changed a lot this past year, but Tim and I love being parents and can't imagine parenting a sweeter little person.  We look forward to growing our family, but aren't sure we'll get "so lucky" the next time around.  haha  One thing is sure, Jackson has brought a lot of joy this past year, especially on the hard days!  We praise God for him.

So who reads this anyway?

Tim and I ask this question all the time, who reads our blog anyway?  Sometimes blogging feels sharing your life with everyone and sometimes it feels like I blog and Tim reads it and that's it.   So if you read our ramblings, often or irregularly, drop us a comment to say hello. 

This Christmas season was strange for our little family.  We were blessed to meditate on the birth of our beloved Savior, we got spoiled with lovely gifts and we enjoyed time with both sides of the family, but it was also a bittersweet reminder of where we are at.  We have never doubted our decision to stay and not go to Senegal, but we haven't yet reached the point of being happy to be in MN.  We are still sad.  And if you catch us in a moment of vulnerable honestly, we don't FEEL like we have that much of a life here anymore. 

Even though we figured it was a pipe dream, we were hoping to be out of Mom and Dad's by Christmas.  We love my parents, but living with them is certainly not without it's challenges.  I especially crave a place that I can make into a home for my family.  Most days, we feel rather homeless, unsettled and directionless.  However, God is SO good and we are able to whole-heartedly praise Him daily for His presence and faithfulness in our lives. 

I think we could use a break.  Sometimes a change in scenery does a world of good.  In August, the three of us went camping for a couple days and it was really refreshing.  Some of you have been consistently offering your homes, it just hasn't worked out yet, but THANK YOU!  We have appreciated your offers SO much.  (I thank you assuming you read our blog......)  Since Tim wasn't asked to stay on at Costco, we have lots of time on our hands again.  So if anyone is going to be out of town for the weekend and we could "do you a favor" by watching your house or something, let us know.  We are really good at watering plants :)  haha  Or maybe you know someone with a year round cabin that might be available for our use, let us know.  Thanks friends.

Happy 1st Birthday Jackson Oliver!!!!

Our little boy is ONE year old today!!!  Hooray for Jackson!  I can't believe this year has gone by so quickly, what a blessing he has been to our family.

Here's another family pic from Christmas and a few from a party we went to.  This is my first gingerbread house ever!  I had never decorated one before, it was really fun....I feel a tradition coming on....

A few more cuties of baby Jack from the weekend :)

In other news, I told Tim this morning that since we are now buying whole milk for Jackson, I will no longer be buying half and half for the coffee.  I don't think he was excited.  

It was a Merry Christmas

We had a good Christmas but we were sad to miss out on seeing my (Tim) sisters.  The snow and ice kept us from making the trip to Dresser, WI.  It was nice to just hang out with Heidi's family but I missed seeing my own.  I guess that is a part of living in Minneasota.

The other pictures are just to let everyone know how cute our little boy is.